Is BIGGER always BETTER?

Whoever came up with the idea of comparisons was a genius. I imagine it was an aging white male with graying hair and rotting teeth. One day while sitting at his desk with his feet resting on his desk he looked over at the desk of his young handsome colleague and thought "I am better off than you." How did he conjure up such an idea? To make himself feel better, of course. His reasoning: the handsome young colleague had more stress to deal with as he had to balance all of the women coming after him. Meanwhile, the old man had little in comparison because he had no women coming after him. Lucky guy.

Thanks to the old man, I constantly find myself comparing my shitty situations to others' in an attempt to make myself feel better. It has worked very well for me in the past, but only as a temporary solution. After I get over the initial "Fuck yeah, I would totally rather have my life than hers," I realize that I just got joy over somebody's sorrows. What a buzz kill. Some people are shitty, though, and brought their situations on themselves. Keeping that in mind, comparing myself to them could serve as a long-term ego boost.

-the DB cheated on my sister and in doing so wasted 5 years of his life...I've never cheated therefore I have a BETTER chance of going to heaven than him. Fuck yeah!
*Bonus--he has to live with the guilt for the rest of his life; meaning he will likely have MORE stress wrinkles than I will. Fuck yeah!
**Downside--my sister's heart was broken in the process. Buzz kill.

-the one other female math major I went to school with is spending her summer break doing research...I have way MORE free time than she does. Fuck yeah!
*Downside--I am working 40 hours at a job that is doing nothing to prepare me for my future. Buzz kill.
**BIGGER Downside--Since I don't have anybody hounding me to study like she does, I haven't, which has made me LESS prepared than everyone else.

-Whenever I see Rockstar with his girlfriend, she is always either talking on her phone or texting somebody else...Loverboy and I rarely use our phones when we are around each other so our relationship is way STRONGER than theirs. Fuck yeah!
*Bonus-Loverboy and I save MORE minutes when we're together while she is throwing hers away. Fuck yeah!
*Downside-Rockstar and his girlfriend see each other often enough that they do not need to cherish every moment together like Loverboy and I do. Buzz kill.
**Double Downside-Loverboy and I tend to go over our minutes because the bulk of our relationship has been over the phone lately. Buzz kill.
***BIGGEST fucking Downside-I miss him. I lost my buzz completely.

My intention was to make myself feel better and in doing so I feel worse. Maybe comparing myself to others is never a good thing....or maybe I just over analyze my thoughts to make them all negative. Goal: Become MORE shallow and accept my initial thoughts.

What if I compare myself to...my past self. Ohhh, there's a thought.

-I am MORE independent. Fuck yeah!
*Bonus-I can sing Kelly Clarkson's 'Miss Independent' and truly mean it. Fuck yeah!

-My skin is CLEARER. Fuck yeah!
*Bonus-I no longer have to buy certain make-up products so I save MORE money. Fuck yeah!

-I have MORE free time to do whatever the hell I want. Fuck yeah!
*Bonus-I found other things to do to fill up my time than napping. Fuck yeah!
**Downside-I have more time to obsess about the things I hate in my life. Buzz kill.
**BIGGER Downside-MORE free time does not equal MORE energy. Buzz kill.

While typing that last buzz kill I couldn't help but think of the "wha want waaaa" soundbite played on game shows after somebody loses. Well I do not feel any BETTER about myself after writing this, but I do not feel any WORSE. I feel the same. *Bonus-I wasted a decent amount of time while at work, making it go by just a little bit FASTER.