Beerfest Weekend Recap

Number of tokens it took to get a sample of beer: 1

Number of tokens the 5 of us went through: 90

Number of times I said "I can't believe Bell's Brewery isn't here. I LOVE Bell's Beer!": 3

Number of times anybody responded/acted like they cared that I love Bell's: 0

Number of "In Your Face!" pictures Loverboy snapped of me on the way to the Fest: 9

Number of pictures we took while at the Fest: 0 (because somebody was so happy with himself after taking the pictures in the car that he forgot the camera on the seat)

Number of bites I had to take of the jambalaya until I felt like my eardrums were burning: 1

Number of minutes I wanted to cry from the jambalaya induced pain: 30

Number of tears I shed throughout the entire weekend: approx 7 and they were all spread out

Amount of fun I had the entire weekend: Ooodles!

(P.S. I wish I was this creative, but I saw my first recap on Elena Joyce's blog)

WTF Blogspot?

I realize that the post below is probably difficult to read due to the fact that there are not any spaces between the paragraphs. I put them in originally, but when it posted, they were gone. I edited the post 3 times to include them, and yet they are still not there. Oh spaces, why are you hiding? Come out, come out wherever you are!

Yet Another Lesson From Corporate

The best sentence I heard all day:

"I'll see ya tonight, babe."

I'm as giddy as a 9 year old girl that received her first 'I like you do you like me?' note. I thought today would go by slow because I would want to get out of here so bad, but it really hasn't. Before my lunch break, the only thing I did was check and recheck an analysis that I had been working on and off on for about a month. When I was sure that everything on my end was correct, I brought it to a supervisor to re-recheck it with me because I was sick of the saleswoman hounding me. Tangent: I'm pretty sure if she had my cell phone number she would call me more than my mother does.

After my supervisor and I come to the conclusion that it was not my work that was wrong, it was in fact the files that the saleswoman had sent me that were incorrect. Together, we talked to her on speakerphone and explained what was wrong. After realizing that it wasn't a mistake on our end, she chose not to apologize, but to say, "Oh, well you learn something new everyday." That was the fourth time in about a week and a half that I have been harshly directly/indirectly accused of messing something up, when in fact it was the accuser that messed something up. None of them apologized. At this point I am apathetic to the whole process. If you want to send me a harsh email, then BRING IT ON! [some of you are probably thinking, "Well, Kirsten Dunst, it's already been BROUGHTEN!" and to you I say, touché.]

Next Wednesday is my last day here. I thought I would be sad, but I am ready to leave. These last two weeks of salesmen berating me have prepared me for my exit. On my last day, my supervisor wants to take our group out for drinks (starting at 2:30, sure!). Yesterday, I realized that attending this fiesta is my boss's order and therefore I should be on the clock while at the restaurant. If not, then I would say, F that Jazz I'll stay at my desk until 5:00 so I can get a full day's pay. I went back and forth with this with my sister until she backed me up, which is really what I needed. Today I was backed up even further by one of my other supervisors who had the following conversation with me:

Him [stopping by my desk at about 3:00]- Alright, I'm out of here for the weekend. Is there anything you need before I go?

Me [quickly minimizing the window to the blog that I was reading]- Yeah, the correct files for all the requests.

Him- I doubt anybody will get you those tonight. It's Friday, nobody works this late [Reminder: it's 3:00 pm!], you should just go home. Oh wait, you have to clock out, don't you?

Me [just remembering that I forgot to clock in after my lunch break]- Yes, us temps have to use the time clock.

Him [in all seriousness]- You live close, just go home and come back to clock out in a couple of hours.

I had not comment after that. Bottom line: I will be getting paid to have drinks on the company dollar next Wednesday. Hooray for me.

P.S. Did I mention I get to see Loverboy all weekend?!?

Some People will Never Change

A few nights ago I hung out with a few old friends. We all met at the oil change I used to work at. They all still work there. While we sat around the patio table and sipped our [separately purchased] beers, we did what we have done for the past 4 years: talked about the oil change. I didn't mind, as if I ever did, because I have missed the place since I quit a couple of months ago. Earlier that day while I was at work [this had to have been after I did my blogging rounds] I sent a mass [if mass means three people] text message to invite them over. Only one of them was at work at the time. He felt the need to make it known to the other guys he was working with [my former co-workers] that I had invited him over. No biggie. I have never invited any of them over before so why would they care? They didn't, but my old boss did. He actually got miffed over the fact that I don't send him text messages. He didn't care that I didn't invite him over. He already had plans. Why the hell would I invite him over?!?!? We were always close while I worked there...as close as a married man and a girl nearly half his age can be without making things illegal.

Towards the end of my sentence at the oil change, him and I clearly drifted apart. He was hurt that I was leaving him, and I didn't show that I cared [probably because I didn't]. Around the same time, he started his obsession with text messages. Prior to that, I had sent him about a handful to let him know his lunch had arrived and I couldn't find him. That was about it. Somehow, from those, he thought sending messages with heavy sexual undertones to me was appropriate. He had the ability to turn anything into a sexual innuendo.

Example via a flashback:

Me [after a night of babysitting his sons]- "They [his kids] insisted on watching a movie in your bedroom. They wouldn't fall asleep unless I laid in bed with them." [mind you, they were around the ages of 6 and 7 at the time]

Him [to all of the guys at work the next day]- "Wa-hoooo! Gyps has been in my bed! How many of you can say that?!?"

Flash forward to today. In my nostalgic frame of mind, I decided I should visit him one last time before I leave. To stop him from pouting, I sent him a text message. From there, we had a text conversation that went like this:

Me- Would you rather...have me stop by the shop to chill OR stop by your house to chill?

Him- How bout the sybris [I believe he meant the Sybaris, which is advertised as the "Romantic Getaway" meaning it's a hotel that couples visit to bone in the same place that thousands of others have (ie in the hot tubs or private pools)]

Me [trying to shoot him down in the nicest way possible]- That is a bit out of my price range

Him- A gentleman always pays

Me [thinking, "If you're gentleman, then why are you suggesting we meet at a place with sex swings hanging in every room?"]- Ok see you at the shot at 7.

I'm still waiting for a response from him...

Life Lesson #239 and a Bit O' Good News!

Life Lesson #239:

Always Always Always open the inside of a public bathroom door with a paper towel or something "protective" between your hand and the handle. Most women do not wash their hands after using the facilities. There are also women who wash their hands then sneeze in them, but since they just washed their hands they don't feel the need to do it again. I just witnessed this phenomenon. I was speechless.

Bit O' Good News:

During my lunch break I stopped at the bank and made my final car payment! I am now the [proud?] owner of a 2002 Hyundai Elantra! Yes, the check engine light is on, but it's MY check engine light now! Hooray! Unfortunately, balloons did not fall from the ceiling while I was standing at the counter. I really thought they would. Note to self: Next time I take out a loan for a car, do some research on banks prior to prioritize according to celebration tactics.

A Cloud of Privacy Has Just Rolled Over

I decided that if I were a dinosaur, I would be a Pee-osaurus Rex. I feel as if I am constantly going to the ladies room while I am at work. It must be my body's way of saying, "Hey Gyps, you've been sitting on your behind, staring at the computer all day. Get up!" I just shifted in my seat as I typed that as if that was part of a decent daily physical regiment. I used to be very active. In the past I was always at my peak physical state during the summer. Now, I feel like a blob. I'm not saying that I am chubby or anything, but I feel like an unhealthy blob. I have actually lost weight, which, let me remind you, is only a number. I have actually lost muscle mass not blub. I'd take the higher number over this.

It's funny that I say that because after work I am having a few friends over to sit on my parents' patio and have some drinks. Along with my invites to them, I made sure to add BYOB fools...and BBFM (bring beer for me)! Well, I should have added that last part.

I caught myself zoning out while co-workers talked to me today. As I nodded my head and said "Ah-huh. Ah-huh. Ah-huh" to them, I was trying to recall the feelings I get when Loverboy kisses me. I do love to kiss him. Not the tonsil hockey, slobber type of kisses, but the I am happy to see you kiss on the slightly open mouth. He embraces me in a certain way whenever he gives me those kisses. I miss that. Lucky for me, I get to be with him all weekend! [Insert picture of me perking up in my chair and staring off into space as I think about the kisses I am going to get this weekend.]

Now all I can think about are very private thoughts involving him. I better stop Damning the Man! and punch out of here [I am at work right now] and enjoy my thoughts alone at home.

I Need Help!!

I am having difficulty with blogrolling. I signed up on the Blogroll site and copied the html into the html link. Now what? I don't have easy access on my page to my favorites anymore!!!

Hey Jealousy

There is something about the song "Bittersweet Symphony" by the Verve that always makes me feel like I am in a movie. I believe that the only time I hear it is when I am having an ah-ha! moment, which usually pertains to life, and usually occurs while I am driving. Life is a bittersweet symphony. Those are pretty much the only words in the song, yet the message is carried through the entire 3 minutes or so. Maybe it's the violins in the background. Whenever I hear the violins opening the song, I cannot help but smile and think that eh, life isn't as bad as I think it is.

Today when it came on, I was driving to my tutoring lesson and I was thinking about an email I received from my Ant D. It was in response to the time we had spent together on Saturday. It was such a beautifully written letter so full of the love and emotion that both of us have kept from each other and the rest of our extended family for years. In it she had highlighted certain anxieties that occur in her and other members of the family that I had never known about. I laughed (and teared up) while reading it because it reminded me of a conversation my sister and I had recently. My sister pointed out the fact that most of our female cousins close to us in age have children. Correction: They are all mothers to gorgeous children. Whenever we have family gatherings, my sister and I watch on as they watch over their children. We were jealous of them. They all have never ending bonds with these amazing kids and we don't. We don't have anybody to wake up to in the morning. We don't have little bodies running around pretending to make us breakfast out of whatever they can grab in the kitchen. We don't have the pleasure of listening to our daughter's excitement over going to school in the fall or talking to our son while he has a blue Kool-Aid mustache.

The whole time, we had been jealous of them, they were jealous of us. The cake topper is that we don't even know each other well enough to justify our jealousy! [Insert Ah-ha! moment here...Jealousy can never really be justified...unless you try reeeeeaaaallly hard]. The whole time we were jealous, we had added in the extra husband factor, which in my naive mind meant nothing but happiness. The bottom line is that, and I am only speaking for myself here, I have always pictured my cousins as embodying the ideals of the "other world" that I do not have. I was ignorant of the fact that their path can and has caused problems similar to mine.

As much as I bitch, kick, scream and fight my way through life, I would not trade mine or any aspect of it. Correction: I would trade Loverboy's desire to read the new Harry Potter book tonight instead of talking to me.

Found: A New High

I started packing today. Well, it was not really packing it was pretty much getting rid of damn near everything in my closet and dresser drawers. I was amazed at how many unpractical items I have held unto for all of these years. When I was in high school, Sexy Lady and I would go to the thrift store every half-priced Monday and buy little boy t-shirts. At the time I thought we were cute, but thinking back, does any guy really want to date a girl that looks good in his old junior high t-shirts? College t-shirts/sweatshirts maybe, but a developing boys'? Probably not. My point is that the majority of my clothes are little boy t-shirts that I either cannot fit into or are worn out to the point that they are see-through. Because my mom was by my side and giving me the come on Gyps you're an adult now look, I decided to part with most of my tiny tee's. After the first large bag was filled, I was sad. After the second was filled, all I could do was shake my head and think, "Man, I am ridiculous." Along with my second (soon to be third) hand tees, I had to donate all of the dresses I wore to high school dances (let's face it, I cannot fit into anything near a size 2 anymore and spandex is not and never has been flattering...thank you to all of my friends that let my get away with wearing those), my skimpy little shorts that used to be too big on me but now could not fit past my knees, and all of my ripped jeans that were not purchased that way but literally worn to shreds.

I am glad that I went through all of that because I was nervous that I would not be able to fit everything into my car when I move. Now that I have this new, beautiful 17" HP notebook, I have to save as much room as possible. This baby is getting it's own seat in the car with a seat belt and all.

I cannot end this without writing about this wonderful high I am on right now. Friday night I went out with my amazing sister. It was the first time we really went out together. I could not have asked for a better time. Our unspoken goal for the night was to find her a man. There was a handful of guys that our beer goggles noticed and by the end of the night, without even breaking a sweat she had gotten us about 4 or 5 free drinks each. I had the best time watching her work her magic. The only time I can ever recall getting a free drink prior to Friday was on my 21st birthday when I went around to nearly every table at the bar and showed every guy my ID to illustrate that it was in fact my birthday and he was responsible for getting me drunk. That one Miller Lite I got that night was fabulous. As I laid in bed that night and watched the ceiling spin I became mildly sentimental. It dawned on me just how close my sister and I have become over the past couple of months and now I am about to throw all of that away when I move in a couple of weeks. I know we can still talk on the phone everyday (we get free Verizon to Verizon which kicks ass...side note: That night I also learned that one of the qualities she is looking for in a man is that he has a Verizon phone...I thought it was funny. I am pretty sure she is serious though), but it just won't be the same now that I know how fun she can be to hang out with.

Yesterday, my grandparents had a family party that you can read about in my cousin's blog OneMomTwoBabies . I think it was the most "successful" get together we have had in a long time. Instead of being a Crabby Patty, I decided to socialize with everybody as much as I possibly could. At one point, I snuck away from everybody and walked around every room of my grandparents' house and absorbed all of the memories that every room, picture, piece of furniture, doll and blanket brought. It took all of my strength to hold back tears. A large chunk of my childhood was spent at that house along with everybody that I had talked to outside plus the rest of the family that did not show up and all of their exes and step-daughters. It is a shame I don't let those memories play out more often. The climax of the day was when my grandmother brought out boxes for each of her kids that contained the pictures she had acquired over the years of them and their children. Everybody gathered in their respective family group and looked through the pictures together. I don't know if anybody else noticed the proud smile my grandmother had as she walked from group to group when somebody questioned a picture or said, "Look at what we found Grandma!" It has probably been so long since she has heard those words from my generation of grand kids (she now has a new generation of the most beautiful great-grand kids I have ever seen) that she just soaked in every moment.

While I was walking through her house yesterday, I wondered if she replays any of the same memories that I do whenever I am there. I wondered if she thought about the Easter that Great-grandma gave all of us little chalkboards with bitty pieces of chalk to write with. Does she think about putting little treats on the pillows of her guest bed like she did when my cousin Boo and I stayed there for a week? Does she remember the dinners she cooked for me and grandpa after she picked me up from my weekly counseling session? I do. I remember the stuffed pork chops and the salads with the avocado on them. I taste the mints. I feel the chalk on my hands. I smell the piles of moist leaves she let us jump into and I love it. Being with my family this entire weekend gave me the biggest high I have had in a long time.

In order maintain my high or at least remember a place I can go to get it back, I added a new item to my To Do List. If you are a member of my family (heh, and you know who you are now), please know that although it has never really been said, I love you. All of you have made such a huge impact on my life that I never really realized until just recently.

Timeline

10 years ago--Age 12

• I went through my first bad-ass stage. During a school field trip to a museum, I befriended a well-known bad-ass. We decided to ditch our group in an attempt to run away in the city. Our group mother eventually found us and scolded us as if we were her own kids. Needless to say, since then her daughter was not allowed to talk to me after that.
• At my birthday party, an older cousin and I decided to try smoking a cigarette. We went through the ashtray in my mom's wood-trimmed minivan and picked out the longest butts to smoke. For years after that, her and I randomly stole cigarettes from our mothers, grandmother and my brother. The random habit has been with me ever since

8 years ago--Age 14

• At an ultimate low, I decided to end it all by taking an obscene amount of generic Tylenol. Right after, I called a friend and asked her to take me to the hospital. They pumped my stomach, then for the next 5 days they treated me to the worst possible hospital stay a girl that age could have. They wanted to make sure I wouldn't want to come back. When I got home, I vowed that I would do it again when I was 16.
• Along with that vow, I made another. I vowed to lose my virginity at 16. It sounded like a good idea to me.

7 years ago--Age 15

• My parents decide to get me the hell out of Podunk, USA and get me into Growingtown. That was one of the best decisions they ever made for me.

6 years ago--Age 16

• In a lapse of depression, I decide to stick with my vow and lose my virginity to a random guy I had met that night. We did it in a tent and the condom broke. Cue the psycho's first appearance. After that I decided I couldn't follow through with my other vow as I wasn't sure if I would be murdering a baby at the same time.
• I started working at Mom & Pop's Shop, which served as a catalyst for my hatred of older men. It still boggles my mind when I think about the way they would talk to me. Maybe they didn't realize that calling a 16 year old stranger beautiful actually has the opposite affect than intended

4 year ago--Age 18

• I graduated high school then went straight to college. I decided to continue living with my parents. I have yet to regret that decision. Right before school started, I put a down payment on my second car (1st not bought from my dad). I did not realize at the time that I should have done more research into my purchase. Instead, I thought it was by far the best investment I could ever make as the interior lights were pretty. I am making my final payment on it tomorrow.

2 years ago--Age 20

• I noticed Loverboy for the 1st time. I let my inhibitions go and...smiled and said hi to him every third or fourth time I saw him.
• I became a temporary morning person because I knew he started work at 9am on the third floor of my new found favorite building. For the next 6 months I studied at the desks on the third floor starting at 8:30 every morning.

1.5 years ago--Almost 21

• Loverboy and I started dating. I get excited just thinking about those first few times together.

1 year ago--Age 21

• For the first of many times, I fell head over heels for Loverboy. I realized that he was the one I had been waiting for. He actually makes me want to be a better person...was that a line from a movie because it really sounds like it?
• Since I was getting to school so early to study (I continued on the third floor so I could be close to Loverboy in the morning), I started getting involved on campus. I was nominated as the president of a prestigious club (the Math Club of course) and was asked to co-teach a class my final year.

Last night--Age 22

• After a 9 hour day at work, I tutored a student in calculus for 2 hours. I helped him understand the relationship between a function and its derivatives. In all seriousness, he became excited when it finally sank in. Afterwards, I went to my friend Sexy Lady's house. We had a few beers, then around 11pm her 13 year old brother sat with us and started studying algebra. He was accepted into the advanced program and he was trying to prepare himself. He asked me for help until around 1am. Although I usually try to go to bed at 11, I did not mind in the least bit. I was delighted to help. I taught him how to add a negative. It felt great.

Two weeks from tomorrow--Age 22 and not ready

• I am running away from home the adult way. I am moving nearly 800 miles away from everything and everyone that I know. I pray that this does not start an adult version of the previous cycle.

Sleep Deprivation = Horny?

The funniest thought I have had all day:

"My left foot has slept more this week than I have."

It was one of those it's funny because it's true type of thoughts. I have had serious sleep issues for the past few months. I think it goes in spurts. For awhile I was a successful sleeper...meaning I could lay down when I was tired and shortly thereafter I would fall asleep and not wake up until my alarm went off. Now, I become tired around 5 pm, but since I am far from the age of 79, I feel odd going to sleep that early. Instead, I just mope around for 5 or 6 hours until a "normal" sleep time rolls around. Usually by that time I have stored up large amounts of energy from my mopefest that I am wide awake and unable to fall asleep. I have heard that the more activities a person does in bed, the harder it becomes for that person to fall asleep. The rule of thumb is that the only activities that should be done in bed are sleeping and boning. Well, since boning is unfortunately out of the question, I had to add another activity to my "allowed in bed list"...watching TV. Well, in my head watching TV goes hand in hand with snacking. So really watching TV and snacking is just one activity....or so I thought. Either the rule of thumb is wrong, and you can't do more than one thing in bed OR I am wrong and watching TV and snacking are two different activities.

Solution: Loverboy moves closer to me (or in the same place as me) and we swap watching TV/snacking for boning. It's a win-win-win situation (laugh if you've seen that episode of The Office).

Are the 50s Making a Comeback???

One of my duties here at Joe Corporate is to check my department's group email box. Yesterday, we received an email from a salesman that I have completed/sent numerous analyses to and at the end of each email I send him I put my name, The Gypsy Queen. It is an extremely female name as is the department supervisor's. Our department is known as Lisa's Group, named after our supervisor. Why, oh why, would the email sent to our group mailbox from the guy that has corresponded to both Lisa and The Gypsy Queen, start with:

Dear Sirs:

Blah blah blah. I am a chauvanist that thinks only males can work in logistics....???

I don't understand his thinking. Could somebody enlighten me? Did he not want me to complete his request this time? Have I failed him somehow in the past? Well Mr. Pig, I hate to break it to you, but I will be completing the analysis. Deal with it!!! Lisa suggested I sign the email

Love,
The Girls in Logistics

Her reasoning: I will only be here for 2 more weeks; it's not like she's going to fire me. I can do whatever I want. Then she went on a tangent about my ability to tell all of the people that this department despises off for her. What a wonderful boss...nay, a GREAT boss. After she spewed her evil ideas to me, I asked if I would be to come back during my winter break like she had requested. She said, "Oh of course! We would have to get you an alias, though."

So if you receive a nasty email from me in the next two weeks, I apologize in advance. My boss made me do it.

Unhappy Hostess

One of my best friends, Beautiful Lady, snagged herself a man about a month ago. This is her first relationship in over 2 years so I was really happy for her...until I met him last night. He has a really rough past, that to me seems to still be the present. He was not the nice, clean cut, well-mannered guy you bring home to mommy. He was the pierced, long-haired guy you bring over to your friend's house. First impressions are huge with me as well as with most people so I would think that he would put his best foot forward and try to impress his girlfriend's best friend. This is how the night went:

My parents are out of town for a couple of days and as per usual I invited BL over to hang out. She asked if she could bring her man and a 12-pack. I planned on having a beer or two already so I agreed that it was fine. While she was busy picking her man up (that's right, he does not have a car) I was tutoring. On my home, she called to say it was taking her longer than she thought and she asked me to pick up some beer. I didn't mind picking it up at the time, but on my home I recalled the numerous nights in the past that she had been running late, sticking me with beer expenses for the night. In the meantime, my sister was at my house packing the last of her odds n ends into her car.

Although BL was running late, she still got to my house before me so as I pulled into my driveway I was welcomed by her and her man macking on my front porch. Upon first glance, I could not tell which of the figures was her as his hair was just as long if not longer than hers. When they pulled apart I had to look for the figure with the bigger chest. As I get out of my car, I have a few things from the grocery store (a 12-pack of beer and my two boxes of Cheez-Its that I bought buy one get one free). Neither of them offer to help me carry my items (Strike ONE). Right after opening our first beers (which neither of them offered to reimburse me for...I'll call that a foul) my sister walks out carrying the first of several heavy boxes to her car. Instead of offering, BL's man has to be persuaded to help her carry some of the boxes. He carried one (Strike TWO). While I helped my sister, BL and her man canoodled in the garage while drinking their free beers. After my sister left, we started to relax and I suggested ordering a pizza. BL's man then makes the comment that he is not really hungry and says he only has plastic anyway. BL says she'll be his sugar momma for the night, his response was to chuckle then stick his tongue down her throat in front of me...her statement becomes meaningless because we ended up cooking one of my parents' frozen pizzas and she did not pay for his portion of the beer. Unless they went somewhere after my house, her sugar momma statement was completely moot.

After BL's man and I finished the pizza (I had three slices, he ate the rest....not hungry my ass), he opened one of my boxes of Cheez-Its and munched on them while sipping his delicious beer (Strike THREE...he's outta there).

I wasn't planning on being a hostess last night. I didn't plan on providing food and drinks for everyone. If I was, then I would have purchased the lower end cheap beer and imitation snack crackers.

Bottom line: I am miffed that I bought their beer when I had my own at home. Together, they drank roughly 14 beers (they tapped into my dad's) and neither offered reimbursements. I've seen this type of behavior from her in the past so I was not too surprised from her. On the other hand, I would think she would want to prove her decency to her new man by offering to pay me back. The same goes for him. The only conclusion that I can come up with is that neither cares whether or not their partner thinks they are decent. That sucks.

BL if you are reading this, I accept payments by check or cash.

Hooray for Home!

I am surprised that I am still functioning. I would like to thank the Red Bull I drank at 9:30 this morning and the Mountain Dew I am drinking right now for helping me get through this day. I visited Loverboy this weekend. It was our last planned visit. It was the first good-bye we have ever had say in which we could not add a "see you _____". There is a chance I could see him in a couple of weeks. It is the weekend before I move. He is going to his parents to attend the Summer Beerfest with them. I was invited, but I feel odd spending my last weekend in the Midwest somewhere other than my house. The problem is that I would be alone. My parents have plans to attend my mother's 30 year high school reunion and stay the night in her hometown. Would it be wrong of me to go to his parents? I think not only for the fact that I would be alone otherwise.

We had a much needed amazing weekend with each other. I enjoyed it so much that I did not let the fact that I had to sit in traffic for over 2 hours at the end of my ride home overshadow my happiness. I did, however, have a near panic attack at the end of the jam. It was past midnight and I had been practically parked between semi-trucks for 2 hours when I started to see the end of the blockage. As I looked forward and saw all of the other cars moving, I starting to feel nauseated. Then it was my turn to go. I felt my heart race even harder as I had to start hitting the gas. My body started to overheat so I turned up the AC and started taking long, controlled breaths. The feeling eventually passed, but now I am worried about the 12 hour drive to school in August. I don't know what made me feel that way. I have sat in traffic before and never have I felt that way. The only conclusion I can come up with is that I was literally homesick. Luckily, I am taking it easy this weekend and just going to my grandmother's. That will be a quick drive over the hills and through the woods. Piece of cake.

I Bet None of You Saw This Coming!!

In response to:

*the lady that has already called me 4 times today to ask me about the analysis she needs asap
-CUT THE SHIT! I already told you that I cannot complete it until I get all of the data! Until it is completed, I will not be answering your phone calls! Thank you caller ID.

*my new shoes that are hurting every inch of my feet
-You're cute, but seriously why are you doing this to me? Do my feet stink that bad? I just washed them this morning! I am begging you to stop. If not, then I will have no other choice but to lock you up in my torture chamber (a.k.a. my shoe closet) to rot with the rest of the toe-pinchers.

*Loverboy
-My body decided to take matters into its own hands. In other words, I got my period and I guarantee I will have it for the entire weekend. Enjoy your BBQ!

*my period
-GO AWAY! I didn't invite you! Come back some other day!

*the lady that opened the door for me a few minutes ago
-Thank you!

Where's the Love?!?!

After a long day at work and an even longer night performing manual labor (vacuuming, drinking a beer, touching up paint,...) at my sister's place, I finally had a chance to talk to Loverboy. I was nice enough to wait until Top Chef was over and yet he seemed upset. Maybe upset is not the right word...preoccupied maybe. The red flag shot up when I realized he was not in the least bit excited about the episode he had just watched. Usually aftwer we finish watching it, we have a little recap together and then predict who we think will be eliminated next week. We didn't do that last night. Instead, he listened to me go on and on about my sister's place and my newfound excitement for my own move. He was putting off this weird vibe that I needed to replace by gabbing incesintly. As I paused, I asked him about his day and if he wanted to talk about something. He said no so I went on. This is how the end of the conversation went:

Me: Oh, I'm so excited about this weekend! I just can't wait to see you and finally be alone with you!

Him (unphased by my excitement): I was invited to a BBQ at one of my professors' houses. It's at 3 on Sunday.

Me (caught off guard): Al-riiiight?

Him: I have to RSVP by tomorrow.

Me (still not sure how to respond): Ooookay?

Him: Well I don't know what to do.

Me: Baby, that's fine I'll just leave before 3.

Him: Well, ugh. I'm going to bed. Good night.

Me (thinking what the hell just happened?!?! I don't like this conversation one bit! No I love you? No I'm sorry for thinking that my time on Sunday would be better spent at a BBQ with the people I am going to be with everyday for the next 4 years of my life instead of cherishing my last hours with my girlfriend?): Night.

My initial thought after getting off the phone was, that little shit doesn't know I took off all day Friday so I can get there early and surprise him! Maybe I should just work all day in spite. Nah that would definitely punish me more than him. If he wants to go to this BBQ so bad then why doesn't he ask if his girlfriend that he nevers sees can come? What is so special about this BBQ anyway? Are the contestants from Top Chef doing the BBQing?!?!?

Doubt it.

Fun with Words

Practice with my vocabulary words:

My CONTRITE attitude on Sunday proved to Loverboy that I felt I was to blame for ruining a few hours of his party.

After talking to Loverboy for an EPHEMERAL moment I realized that I really did not need to seek any forgiveness.

From that conversation I remembered why I considered him the PARAGON of boyfriends and then vowed to quit being a MERCURIAL woman by learning to relax.

I can't believe I forgot this comparison as it is the BEST:

-my boobies are BIGGER than ever! Fuck yeah!
*Bonus-I can finally fill my bra with boob instead of air. Fuck yeah!
**Double Bonus-They look (and feel) fantastic. Double Fuck yeah!

Is BIGGER always BETTER?

Whoever came up with the idea of comparisons was a genius. I imagine it was an aging white male with graying hair and rotting teeth. One day while sitting at his desk with his feet resting on his desk he looked over at the desk of his young handsome colleague and thought "I am better off than you." How did he conjure up such an idea? To make himself feel better, of course. His reasoning: the handsome young colleague had more stress to deal with as he had to balance all of the women coming after him. Meanwhile, the old man had little in comparison because he had no women coming after him. Lucky guy.

Thanks to the old man, I constantly find myself comparing my shitty situations to others' in an attempt to make myself feel better. It has worked very well for me in the past, but only as a temporary solution. After I get over the initial "Fuck yeah, I would totally rather have my life than hers," I realize that I just got joy over somebody's sorrows. What a buzz kill. Some people are shitty, though, and brought their situations on themselves. Keeping that in mind, comparing myself to them could serve as a long-term ego boost.

-the DB cheated on my sister and in doing so wasted 5 years of his life...I've never cheated therefore I have a BETTER chance of going to heaven than him. Fuck yeah!
*Bonus--he has to live with the guilt for the rest of his life; meaning he will likely have MORE stress wrinkles than I will. Fuck yeah!
**Downside--my sister's heart was broken in the process. Buzz kill.

-the one other female math major I went to school with is spending her summer break doing research...I have way MORE free time than she does. Fuck yeah!
*Downside--I am working 40 hours at a job that is doing nothing to prepare me for my future. Buzz kill.
**BIGGER Downside--Since I don't have anybody hounding me to study like she does, I haven't, which has made me LESS prepared than everyone else.

-Whenever I see Rockstar with his girlfriend, she is always either talking on her phone or texting somebody else...Loverboy and I rarely use our phones when we are around each other so our relationship is way STRONGER than theirs. Fuck yeah!
*Bonus-Loverboy and I save MORE minutes when we're together while she is throwing hers away. Fuck yeah!
*Downside-Rockstar and his girlfriend see each other often enough that they do not need to cherish every moment together like Loverboy and I do. Buzz kill.
**Double Downside-Loverboy and I tend to go over our minutes because the bulk of our relationship has been over the phone lately. Buzz kill.
***BIGGEST fucking Downside-I miss him. I lost my buzz completely.

My intention was to make myself feel better and in doing so I feel worse. Maybe comparing myself to others is never a good thing....or maybe I just over analyze my thoughts to make them all negative. Goal: Become MORE shallow and accept my initial thoughts.

What if I compare myself to...my past self. Ohhh, there's a thought.

-I am MORE independent. Fuck yeah!
*Bonus-I can sing Kelly Clarkson's 'Miss Independent' and truly mean it. Fuck yeah!

-My skin is CLEARER. Fuck yeah!
*Bonus-I no longer have to buy certain make-up products so I save MORE money. Fuck yeah!

-I have MORE free time to do whatever the hell I want. Fuck yeah!
*Bonus-I found other things to do to fill up my time than napping. Fuck yeah!
**Downside-I have more time to obsess about the things I hate in my life. Buzz kill.
**BIGGER Downside-MORE free time does not equal MORE energy. Buzz kill.

While typing that last buzz kill I couldn't help but think of the "wha want waaaa" soundbite played on game shows after somebody loses. Well I do not feel any BETTER about myself after writing this, but I do not feel any WORSE. I feel the same. *Bonus-I wasted a decent amount of time while at work, making it go by just a little bit FASTER.

I did not get home until 11:30 last night. Mark another weekend at Loverboy's parents' off my list. I enjoy going there so much that I loathe even thinking about leaving. I am happy to be home, though. His parents had a super-party this weekend. A three day bash to celebrate his graduation from college, his sister #1's graduation from high school, sister #2's birthday and their 25th anniversary. It was insane to say the least. The house was packed to the brim. I was the luckiest because I got to sleep with 8 boys at one time. By lucky, I mean I got to sleep on a popped air mattress in the unfinished basement with my boyfriend and his 7 wasted friends. Implied in that sentence: I was serenaded with farts and snores from 7 guys.

I had a great time this weekend. I met Loverboy's extended family, found out that his sisters really do like me, rekindled friendships with his friends, received a 24-pack of Red Bull, acquired a following of 5 high school girls, and got an awesome tan. I could not have asked for more. However, I could have asked for less...psycho girlfriend made an appearance late Saturday night. Apparently, mind you this is complete hearsay from Loverboy, she got pissed after a drunken (and I mean drunken) tryst with Loverboy went awry. His story was backed up the next day when I found an empty condom wrapper (from the House of Blues... we've got nothing but class) in my purse. After the initial pissed off state of mind, Psycho switched gears to become the biggest Debbie Downer and decided to cuddle/bawl her eyes out/cause her boyfriend to cry/forget what the hell was going on with Loverboy in the back of his parents' Ford Escape. It turned out to be a great couple of hours. How do I know? I'll tell you...it got to the point that Loverboy thought it would be a good idea to wake his parents up and ask if I could sleep with them. I still don't understand why he thought that was a good idea. The result was me and his mom sitting on a love seat in their room talking about how much I love Loverboy while him and his dad stood behind us rubbing our shoulders. I eventually calmed down so he put me to sleep in the dungeon. The next morning I woke up with a terrible headache, not from drinking for the past two days straight, but from crying so hard the night before. In addition to the headache, I developed a fear of running into his parents after I recalled waking them up the night before. I had not idea what their reaction to me would be and for most of the day, I did not want to know.

After spending most of the day floating on the lake with Loverboy and my entourage of high school girls, it was time to go. Loverboy passed out while I finished packing my things. While walking to my car with my things, his mom lurked around the corner and caught me alone. She gently asked me how I was feeling. I told her I was embarrassed and she cut me off, walked across the room to me and gave me a bear hug. She told me I could talk to/call/cry to her anytime.

It felt good.

Pulling out the Big Guns

After one and a half days of doing nothing but searching the internet for obscure entertainment instead of working, I have decided to sneak out early today. Nobody is here and there is nothing for me to pretend to do! I decided to leave for my lunch break and then not come back. If my boss was here I would ask her and she would agree without even thinking about it. There is only one other guy in my aisle today. He's too busy with his tobacco to bother looking over here. Whenever I think about my loneliness at work, I am reminded of an episode of Friends in which Jason Alexander made an appearance. Phoebe was working as a phone salesman and she happened to call him while he was at work in an office. I believe he was the office supply manager. Regardless, the point is that his job was so meaningless to everyone else there that nobody noticed him and his suicidal outbursts. I'm not saying I have the same outbursts...if anything mine are giggle-filled. I just have this nagging feeling that nobody would notice if I left.

I tried testing my theory a few weeks ago. My contacts were bothering me to the max and since I only live a couple miles down the road, I drove home and switched my contacts for glasses. I was gone for nearly half an hour. I came back wearing glasses and nobody noticed. They were flashy glasses, too, with little fake diamonds on the sides. Nobody said a thing.

Today is the ultimate test. I already packed up my stuff and as soon as I close this window, I will be heading for the door.

As the Suits go on, all Common Courtesy is Lost

Does anybody work the week of the 4th? The only day this week that I came in contact with another employee here was Monday. Monday was one of the busiest days I've had around here in weeks. Then BOOM nothing! I am working a temporary job for Joe Corporate. I have been lucky enough to extend my stay here from the original two weeks to nearly 3 months. In the beginning it seemed as if I was this huge asset that they were glad to have around. I still get the glad you're here vibe, but that's only because I've been trying hard to keep this I'm really helping you guys out charade going. I swear, I work harder trying to convince them that I'm worth keeping on the clock for another few weeks than I do actually working. The problem is that there is not much for me to do. I am caught up. One of my duties is to document all of the group emails as they come in. Usually we get at least one email every 15 minutes or so. In the past 2 days I've been able to document 3. We received a couple others, but only because I initiated them by asking questions and instead of getting the responses that I hoped for, I received undocument-worthy responses.

I spent the majority of the day yesterday reading the archives of ElenaJoyce's blog at I'mSureIt'sFine. Some of her posts are so ridiculous that I catch myself doing one of those back of the throat laughs that sound like a bull frog or a cow starting to moo and then abruptly stopping. I constantly looked around to make sure nobody in the cubes around me was giving me the stink eye. Then again, why would they? They have much more distracting/annoying behaviors than I ever could. List of instances:

-as I typed that last sentence the cell phone of a guy 2 rows away rang. Not that big a deal usually but it gets pretty annoying when the ringer is set to Cingular's version of Salsa music at the highest volume possible.

-at the same time, the guy across from me felt the need to chomp away on what sounded like rock candy for a good half hour. This, of course, is a step up from the usual hunk of tobacco he keeps in his mouth. It's bad enough that he feels the need to dip for the majority of the workday, but to talk while it's in his mouth while either on the phone or to me in person is just disgusting. Did I mention the constant noise of his spit can as he sets it back on the desk? I could do without it.

-yesterday the guy kiddie corner from me spent nearly 10 minutes YELLING on the phone about somebody that just got arrested. I stopped flinching after I heard him yell "fuck" for the third time. When he's not pissed at delinquents, he's pissed at Walgreen's. I'm not sure how our company is related to Walgreen's in any way. Maybe he's been waiting for his prescription for the past month.

I work in the logistics department of a major publishing firm! I thought I left the disgusting coworkers behind at my old job at the Mom & Pop Car Repair Shop. At the time I thought my coworkers were extremely inappropriate for talking about their latest sexcapades and drinking binges. I would take that back any day! At least I could continue to do my work while listening to them go on about the Dirty Sanchez and Rusty Trombones. That never seemed to phase me, however, a guy munching on rocks can somehow rile me up to the point of wanting to scream. I'm starting to think I'm a little high strung or I am just pissed that everyone but me knew that it was jeans day today and they are all giving me looks because I am wearing a dress.

Update: while finishing that up, another guy's cell phone rang and somebody walked into my cube and took my other chair without asking. Fuckers.

Maybe a Little Distance Isn't So Bad

My sister and her boyfriend of nearly 5 years broke up a little over a month ago. The douche cheated on her and then decided to not confess until 4 months later. If she had not found out from somebody else prior, I am sure he would still be holding it a secret. The other day, after watching a sappy episode of Dr. Phil, she ventured onto match.com. As soon as she finished desperately creating a profile for herself, she did a search for a mate in the area. The results popped up and instantly she saw a picture of her douchebag ex with a title above it implying that everyone deserves a second chance. Good conversation starter db! I am sure that will open the door to an long-lasting relationship.

After living with him for nearly a year, my sister was devasted. That day she moved back in with my parents and me. Next week she will be moving into a home of her own. She is buying her first house. Her feelings toward the place change daily. On one hand she is proud of herself for being able to buy her own place and on the other she is super pissed that she was forced into buying a place of her own. Trying to be a supportive sister, I emailed her today to see if she was going to her house tonight to work on repairs. In the email I also mentioned that I will be stopping at the store to pick up my two least favorite items...razors and tampons...and inquired if she needed anything while I'm there. Her response: a blow up doll.

Now, I am not an expert on these things, but it is my understanding that blow up dolls are primarily female. What could she possibly do with a female blow up doll? Why not ask for a fake fallice of some sort or vibrating device? A blow up doll, hmm. The only logical conclusion that I can come up with is that the db messed with her so much that she is venturing out into the world of homosexuality. For that, I applaude her. I could use another girl in the family to borrow clothes from.

If You're Psycho and You Know it Clap Your Hands

I determined to stop being a psycho girlfriend yesterday. It’s become another item to add to my ‘To Do’ list. My boyfriend and I have both been aware of my crazy tendencies for awhile now. I know when I am being one and I hate every second of it, yet I never try stopping myself before it’s too late. I wasn’t always like this with him. I used to make him laugh all the time. Yesterday I made him cry.

Our situation became even more complicated two months ago when we started a long distance relationship. After we graduated in May, he moved back with his parents while I stayed with mine. When we wanted to see each other, one of us had to drive almost 5 hours. Then, a few weeks ago he moved into his own apartment, which is even further away, and started graduate school. We have been lucky enough to see each other almost every weekend for the past two months. In exactly a month from now, I will be leaving for graduate school as well. Because I am a jackass, I choose a school on the East coast, causing me to leave the Midwest and everything I have ever known.

Almost as soon as I learned of my acceptance to Far Off University (FOU), Loverboy and I made plans for me to apply for a transfer to Big 10 University (BTU). In order to do so, I need to raise my scores on the GREs, both general and subject, and write an amazing personal statement. For awhile, I was studying my buns off. Recently, the studying has started to subside. During our phone conversations, he constantly brings up how everything is going to be wonderful once I get accepted to BTU and we can finally move in together. In my head that means…our relationship is riding on me. I need to do well on these tests and write that amazing personal statement, not only to get into BTU, but to keep our relationship together. What would happen if I don’t get accepted?

I can’t even remember how I made him cry yesterday. We were on the phone and of course I started tearing up because that’s just what I seem to do all the time. Somewhere in there, I mentioned something about missing ‘the feeling’. I mixed my thoughts up completely and said something along the lines of, “sometimes I don’t even feel like your girlfriend.” Big mistake. Eventually I got my point across that I miss watching him look at me like I am some sort of goddess from another world…the look that only a lover can give that makes a woman feel special. I miss that feeling. I want it back. I told him that we need to find a way to give each other those feelings without seeing each other. Of course I did not say any of that as clear as I just did so he took what I was saying as he’s a bad boyfriend and he does not try hard enough. How can I convince him that he is? He is a wonderful boyfriend that shows me nothing but love. It’s both of us that need to work on getting the feeling back.

Bottom line: I made Loverboy cry. I am a psycho girlfriend that needs to be stopped.

Oh, What a Smile Can Do

I smiled while I was alone the other day. I was in the middle of my 5 hour drive home from my boyfriend’s parents’ house, and I smiled. It felt like it came out of nowhere, which made it feel even better. It served as a catalyst for recalling all of the good things going on in my life. For once, I was not focusing on my stifling car, hunger pangs or the traffic slowing me down. All too often, I catch myself focusing so much on the negatives of life that I overshadow all of the positives.

I have a family. Any adjective I put in front of family would probably change in the next week, day or hour. Sometimes we are close in all aspects of the word and other times we are close physically but not mentally or emotionally. For the most part we are supportive of each other. Needless to say, there are times we disagree with others’ choices and do not hold back from saying it. We argue, scream, fight, kick and yell at each other, but in the end, we know we are a family. I love them. They might not know it because I have a hell of a time showing it, but I do.

I have a loving boyfriend. I can say loving here because from day one his love for me has been so strong that I can almost feel it. He is my lover and my best friend. I want to talk to him before I get out of bed in the morning and while my eyes are closed at night. For some reason, though, I cannot seem to accept that. I find myself constantly challenging his love and questioning where it is coming from. I fear that he is the only person I want to talk to before I get out of bed in the morning and while my eyes are closed at night and… everything in between.

I have a sturdy foundation. I received my Bachelor’s degree a couple months ago. Next month I will start working on my PhD. I have morals and values. I can tell right from wrong. I know how to prioritize. I know how to communicate well via many different channels.

Early this morning I put together a ‘To Do’ list. For about 30 seconds I jotted down issues that I KNOW I need to work out. My list catalogs some of the things preventing me from embracing happiness. I am determined to cross them off as I get closer to my goal. In the meantime, I will continue chasing the highs of life and running from the lows.