Bad News Puts Me in Bad Moods

Yesterday I received my email of rejection from Ohio State University. While reading it, I felt like my lungs were collapsing and at one point. I thought I would have to call a paramedic to remove the enormous elephant sitting on my chest. Instead, I sucked back the puddles of tears that were forming, logged off my computer, left the building and walked to my car. While I driving home, I sat in silence, listing off all the consequences of that dreaded email. As I pulled into the driveway, my shower of tears began. Let's just say, there is no longer a drought in My Neck of the Woods, Georgia.

What could anybody say to me to make me feel better? It's not as if I am being left in a horrible situation. Nothing is changing. I just have to stay here longer. Big deal, right?

That's the point, though. Nothing is changing. My life is going to continue while the distance between me and everyone that I love stays the same. I hate distance. I hate waiting. And, even though I am not in a horrible situation, I hate it.

I told Loverboy last night that we were going to have to wait longer to move in together. All he could say was, "This sucks." I don't know what I wanted him to say, but hearing "This sucks" over and over again wasn't very reassuring. I can't help but think that it is my fault that we are not physically together. But then again, I did everything that I could to get myself there. What did he do?

I feel like him and I are in a little rut. My news definitely did not help dig us out. I am going to visit him in less than 2 weeks. We will be with each other for an entire 2 weeks. I am hoping we can get back to normal by the end of our visit. But then again, what is normal with us? We continuously compare our current relationship to our old relationship when we lived within 10 minutes of each other. We have to move on from that and come to terms with the fact that our relationship is long distance and it will be for longer than our old, close relationship.

On the bright side, at least I found out that I am not moving just in time to renew my lease. Plus, I decided that once the semester is over and I have time to breathe, I am going to adopt a pet. With Loverboy and everyone else so far away, I need something of my own to cuddle besides my pillows.