Chasing the Highs

How My Class Received Their First Takehome Quiz

2008-11-12T08:56:00.003-06:00

Time: 8 am today
Place: classroom

Gypsy enters the room and is about to set her thick book onto the table.

Boy in front row (in heavy sarcasm): "So how 'bout that quiz [from Monday]? I bet you were reeeeall happy grading it.""

Bam! Gypsy throws her books on the table.

Gypsy [in a shaky tone as she has never shown her class her anger]: "You know what? I was not happy. In fact, I am still NOT happy. I am soooo unhappy that you all bought yourself a take home quiz that will posted on my website for you to turn in Friday morning." <------not verbatim.

Rest of class's thoughts: "Thanks boy in front row!"

Where is Everyone?

2008-10-26T11:33:00.003-05:00

What has happened to the blogging world? Is it over? Good while it lasted? Where is everybody?!?!?!

Yes, I know I am not the most consistent blogger, but some of you were and now it's been ages since you've written a thing! Some of you haven't written since May (OneMom!!!)! I miss my daily dose of mesmerizing photographs and little ditties about family life.

Where else am I supposed to learn how to raise children if not from you?!?! Where am I supposed to find creative inspiration if not from you?!?!?! Where on the internet am I supposed to go during my breaks?!?!

Without daily entries in your blog, I have no desire to enter anything in mine. Hence [yes, I am a mathematician thus I use hence a lot], I have resorted to devoting myself to sites such as perezhilton.com and netflix.com where I aimlessly look at the different movie titles the company has to offer. Old Netty tries to fill the void by recommending movies to me, but she doesn't know me at all. The Golden Girls? You really think I would like The Golden Girls? Come on now! Alright yes, I like Steel Magnolias, but that does not warrant you recommending The Golden Girls to me!

I'm a Mommy!

2008-07-22T12:52:00.003-05:00

Loverboy and I adopted our first baby last month. Her name is Stella. She's nearly a year old and full of life. Oh, and she is a dog. Our lives have been much different since we brought her home.

Up until we adopted her, Loverboy was "training" me to run my first 5K. We jogged pretty consistently for almost a month and I even bought new running shoes. Then, once we brought her home that trend quickly came to a halt. Since then, I have packed on a handful of pounds (i.e.5 pounds) because I continued to eat as if I was still working out. Now that Stella is calming down I started jogging again last week. Meanwhile, I started paying attention to my food and fluid intake. Diet Coke is fine, but the amount I was drinking was not. I kept myself hydrated, but not with water. Now I am drinking at least 1.5 liters a day, which is a huge change for me. My biggest weakness is ice cream. I love it so much that Loverboy bought me an ice cream maker for my birthday! I was up to almost 2 or 3 pints a week. It's been a week since I've had ice cream and believe me, that's pretty damn good!

Initially Loverboy insisted that Stella sleep in our bed with us. Needless to say that has put a HUGE damper on our alone time together so now that is used to sleeping with us we are trying to get her to sleep next to the bed.

Our conversations have taken a huge turn since we got her. It is mind boggling how often we talk about Stella's bowel movements. I bet you are all jealous now!

If you're not, then just look at these pictures of my little girl

My Current Forms of Entertainment

2008-07-21T13:21:00.002-05:00

Loverboy took me to a glorious book store last weekend. The store has 32 rooms each of which contains books of a different genre. Some of the books are used and others were just discounted for the sake of it. Nearly all books were 5% off but I was able to spy with my little eye the best discounts (thank you family for training me so well) and in the end I bought 4 books for $20.

What did I get? Well, I am a sucker for literature so I spent most of my time in that room (by the way I am still not exactly sure what constitutes as literature or not; I only know because I find my favorite books in that section). From that section I found Jane Eyre [by Charlotte Bronte]; Wuthering Heights [by Emily Bronte]; and Six Sherlock Holmes Mysteries [by Arthur Conan Doyle]. I read Jane Eyre several years ago and I remember liking it, but for the life of me I cannot remember what it is about so I am excited to read that. Her sister wrote Wuthering Heights and I am pretty sure it is her only book. With those to in my library I am set for countless nights filled with crying.

The fourth book Children Playing Before a Statue of Hercules is a collection of short stories by different authors with an introduction to each by David Sedaris. He is responsible for many of my laughs in the past. If you have not yet, read Me Talk Pretty One Day. It is his first memoir. If it doesn't make you laugh give me a call so I can smack some sense into you.

One of the reasons I haven't blogged much this summer is because I have been reading The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett. It's set in 12th century England and it basically chronicles the lives of a family of builders, a monk, and an earl. Their lives are all intertwined in one way or another. The book gives a good insight into what life was like back then. There were so many things I never thought about before reading it. For instance, a girl becomes a woman in the book so another young woman gives her some cloth to bind herself. Where the hell are the Tampax??? A man in the story went his life without knowing who his father was until somebody told him 35 years later. Instead of having some form of a paternity test they just did a visual test. How would Maury Povich made a living back then??? Anyway, the book is nearly 1,000 pages, but each was worth turning.

I started a subscription to Netflix yesterday. If you have an account let's be friends! I want to see what movies you are watching so I can either steal your ideas or judge you based on your movie choices (I think I'm kidding, but you never know). I was shocked by the number of Watch Instantly choices were available. Unfortunately I could not install the movie player successfully. After trying to get it to work for a few minutes I decided to call Netflix Support. I talked to an employee for 55 minutes!!!! He tried so many different ideas and still we could not get it to work. Finally he suggested logging off of my profile and logging into the dummy profile my dad created on my computer and try installing the movie player there. It worked! Neither of us had any idea why, but at the point I had to let him go because I was on my cell phone and 55 minutes is precious to me.

O Batman, Batman Wherefore are thou Batman?

2008-07-14T09:15:00.003-05:00

As most of you know, the new Batman movie is coming out this weekend. The previews look amazing and needless to say, I am overly excited to see it. I am actually throwing my cheapness out the window and going to see it at the IMAX if I can find one in the area. In an attempt to subside some of my giddiness I wanted to have a Batman movie marathon week. Unfortunately, I am having a hell of a time finding any of the Batman dvds. After scouring four stores this weekend I finally found Batman Begins [in widescreen only :( ]. I really just want the Michael Keaton Batman movies. I didn't think it was too much to ask for, but apparently it is. I even tried buying them online. The only place I could find them was on Amazon, but they were each 15.99 and seeing as I am cheap...I didn't buy them. I shouldn't have to pay that much for a used dvd! Somebody please help me!! Do you have any other suggestions?

Having the Ability to Sleep in is Spoiling Me

2008-06-05T05:33:00.004-05:00

It's 6:30 in the morning and I have been out of bed for a half hour...I have been awake nearly all night. Lately, I've been experiencing mild anxiety while in bed which has had a negative effect on my attempts to sleep. What is the cause? My future.

I cannot seem to prevent myself from thinking about my "real" life every night after resting my head on the pillow. In case you are unaware, I finished my first year of grad school a month ago. I came back to the Midwest the day of my last final to stay with my parents for awhile and ultimately moved in with Loverboy for the remainder of the summer. I have been here for almost 3 weeks now.

Naturally, him and I have shared a few rough moments since I arrived, but those moments rest in the shadows of the wonderful time we have spent together. He truly does make me happy. I love the ability he has to make me smile. I love that he can convince me to forget my worries...of course I mean temporarily forget...and unfortunately he has a hard time convincing me while he is sleeping. WAKE UP LOVERBOY!

In other news, I was lucky enough to find a summer job the day after I arrived here. It is (knock on wood) the perfect summer job for me. I am working at a tutoring facility that specializes in K-12 help in reading, writing, and mathematics. It pays enough so that working 18 hours a week is enough for me to get by for the rest of the summer. Even better, during the summer it's only open Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday (thus only 18 hours) so I get a 4-day weekend. I am loving it so far.

It's unlike the private tutoring that I am used to. The facility has a curriculum of its own that I follow. Plus, I have never tutored multiple students at one time nor have I worked with kids this young. For some reason I have always thought that I would not like working with kids. I thought that I would only be able to handle post high school students. Now, I am not so sure.

Now to the reason I got out of bed so early this morning. As I stared at the ceiling this morning, trying to block out the sounds of the birds chirping (oh how I loath bird chirps in the morning) I thought about how much I am enjoying working with these kids. It dawned on me that this is the first job I have had that I look forward to doing. Yes, I realize I haven't been there for long, but so what. So, while I laid in bed, I thought about the steps I would need to take to make teaching these kids a permanent job (i.e. to become a teacher).

It turns out I have my cards in line (I think that is the expression I'm looking for). I'm not going to do anything drastic though. I am returning to Georgia in August to continue school. Meanwhile, I will continue to keep my mind open to the idea of teaching in the K-12 venue.

Alright everyone, it's 7 a.m. and time for me to take a nap.

Finals Week....

2008-04-30T06:01:00.002-05:00

Day one: My first exam is at 8 am today. I woke up at 5:30 and I am surprisingly alert. Unfortunately, being alert does not imply that I am ready.

Exam number 2 is going to be a take home test given to us tomorrow. That scares me a little because the professor can put more difficult questions on it.

Exam 3 (my last) is on Monday in the afternoon. Afterwards, my sister and I are packing up the car and getting the h out of here.

Question Sharing

2008-04-27T22:01:00.002-05:00

As mentioned my friend from home and I have been sending each other odd "test questions" to answer on our downtime. She recently sent me 2 questions, both of which I enjoyed answering so I thought I would pass them along to you onlookers:

1) Who did you share your first kiss with? Make a prediction as to what he/she is doing nowadays.

2) Put these professions in order starting with the one you would most likely do: gyno, king crab fisherman, chimp trainer, dentist in Mexico City, dairy farmer, stun gun/tazer inspector, Wal-Mart return counter person

My answers*:
1) A: The first person I kissed was C. D. It was in the 6th grade at a Halloween party. Him and I were "dating" and our friends plotted against us by forcing us to play spin the bottle. It just so happened that when he spun the bottle it landed on me (meant to be, eh?). It was a puckered lip fish-kiss...and it was glorious.

I predict that he is in a near catatonic state, sitting in a Barcalounger (note: i had to look that word up) in his parent's basement that is facing a gigantic poster of me in the 6th grade. He is and will forever be pining over me and that one amazing kiss we shared. He will never get a job because of his obsession with me. He does however, continuously apply at Island Tanning in CC, where I held my first job at age 14 as a receptionist/bed cleaner. He is so demented that he has yet to realize that Island Tanning closed down 6 years ago shortly after I moved away.

2) A:
1. King Crab Fisherman-I pick this first if and only if I could star in The Discovery Channel's: Deadliest Catch. I want to be famous someday and I will do whatever it takes to get my foot in the door.

2. Chimp Trainer-Yes, I will likely get poop thrown at me, but the things are just so darn cute AND I am not opposed to throwing my own poop back at them.

3. Wal-Mart Return Counter Person-Seeing as I despise Wal-Mart, I would have zero desire to be good at this job and slash or would get a kick at being rude to rude customers and denying them a return for bogus reasons. I would be the law. Because of me they would be stuck with defective "shower massagers" and the like.

4. Tazer/stungun tester-I put this job in the middle as hopefully after holding this postion for a short period of time, I will become numb to all of the horrible sights, smells and tasks that I will perform in the following jobs

5. Dairy Farmer- Sure I would get all the free milk I could ever ask for, but I only ask for one Milk Chug a week to pour into my cereal. I don't mind the udders, and in fact might enjoy stroking them to get the milk out, HOWEVER, the constant smell of manure would make me gag so much that I would probably sustain severe esophogeal injuries.

6. Dentist in Mexico City-I did a little research and actually Mexico City has a pretty strong economy so the quality of teeth might not be extremely poor, HOWEVER, the thought of putting my hands in anybody's mouth gives me the heebies. The only joy I would get out of this job would be from yelling at people for not flossing enough (while knowing that I have zero intention of doing it myself).

7. Gyno-As mentioned, sticking my hands in anybody's mouth gives me the heebies, and quite frankly the thought of sticking my hand in a vagina gives me the bleeping JEEBIES!

*Note: I apologize if my answers offend you in anyway. It was not my intention. If you hold any one of these professions, my hat is off to you as I know that you must be a much stronger person than I.

Mark Your Calendars

2008-04-25T08:55:00.002-05:00

As I am coming home soon I would like to propose to my family member readers that we get together one day to enjoy each other's company. It has come to my attention that Mother's Day falls on the weekend that I get home. What better day for us to spend together? In past years we have met at Cantigny Park and enjoyed the beautiful flowers (and tanks if you're into that sort of thing) so I would like to put a suggestion in the box that we spend the afternoon together there. I know one of you would love the flower gardens! So what do you say family? If you have another suggestion, please feel free to let it be known.

Did I mention I miss you?

What Does Your Postcard Say?

2008-04-23T08:47:00.002-05:00

While talking to one of my roomies yesterday, I was informed of Post Secret. The blog owner apparently has been up and running for several years (roomie said she has been a faithful reader for 3 YEARS!). The gist of the site is, people write secrets/confessions on fancily decorated postcards and anonymously send them to him. He then sorts through the thousands he receives and posts a handful on his blog each week. This has become such a popular trend that he has published at least two books cataloguing some of the more interesting postcards.

Roomie just so happened to have one of the books so naturally I dropped what I was doing (homework) and read the book cover to cover while soaking in the tub last night. It was a wonderful read. I felt like I was connecting with millions of people through their secrets yet none of us know each other.

If I were to send in a postcard today it would read: "Saying you love me says nothing! Show me!" I would also probably write it in a scarlet red marker and decorate it with hearts. On the bottom would be me depicted in stick figure form YELLING the words in a cartoon dialogue bubble. Across from me would be Loverboy (again stick-figurized) with a big question mark above his head and his palms up in the air as if he has zero idea what I am talking about.

What would yours say?

If I Was Food What Would I Be...

2008-04-22T09:30:00.003-05:00

Answer (from Loverboy): Kung Pao Chicken because you're hot!

If that's not pure romance ladies, then I don't know what is.

In other news, my dad visited me last night. He has a meeting today in the big city so he flew in a day early and drove here to take me to dinner. I am assuming most of you are familiar with how big my dad is...not huge, but you know what I mean. Anyway, you can imagine how humorous it was for me to watch him slowly walk up to my door trying to stretch the pain out of his legs from driving two hours in a brand new Mustang. I didn't have the heart to ask if he requested the itty-bitty sports car from the rental agency or if they pegged him as a middle-aged man looking to test drive a mid-life crisisesque car (yes I made that word up, but it works). Regardless, it was funny.

We had a nice daddy-daughter date. He took me to a New Orleans style restaurant (at which I had a side of collard greens, yummy; if you haven't tried them yet I suggest you do). We talked about my future, his future, and the rest of our family's. He also told me there is a rumor going around that my grandparents are heading back to the Midwest soon, which means that I might get to see them when I come home in a few weeks. Correction: I am leaving for home in exactly two weeks from today! Holy crap that's so soon (and yet not soon enough).

On that note, I guess I should probably be studying and slash or looking for a summer job. Know of a place that suits me....or that is hiring?

If I Were to Write a Test Right Now

2008-04-17T10:25:00.003-05:00

The first question would be...

1. Would you rather*:
(a) Eat fish sticks for lunch and dinner everyday for a month (February counts). Fish sticks for breakfast would be optional.
(b) Eat a meal from Sonic that I purchased and sent to you on the next business day (note: I would probably buy it on a Saturday)
(c) Become a vegan

My best friend from IL and I worked together for nearly 6 years and during our downtime (i.e. the majority of the day) we would write each other faux mid-terms that included questions like the one above. While feeling low the other day, I wrote her a test. It was the first one in over a year. I had such a hard time thinking of things to write that it almost made me feel worse. I used to be so creative (or so I thought). Unfortunately, now my brain is so math-focused that I find it difficult to think about anything else. I hate it!

In an attempt to prevent further deterioration of my creativity, I signed up for a French class next semester. One of our degree requirements is to obtain the ability to read in at least one other language. The department strongly recommends that we take our language classes during the summer, but I am sticking it to the man and taking it when I want to take it.

I remember going through undergrad thinking why do I have to take all of these nonsense classes? How is Tolkien and Fantasy Literature going to help me in the future? When am I ever going to pull out my Women in Scripture notes? Now I know the answer: to keep me sane. If I took all classes in one area back then, I would have never finished. Plus, enrolling in those random classes helped maintain the flow of my creative juices.

2. Life is a Highway. Naturally, you want to drive it all night long. What kind of car do you want to drive it in?

*Answer: (a) but for breakfast you choose to eat a meal high in fiber to cleanse your insides

Where's Gloria Gaynor When You Need Her?

2008-04-16T08:31:00.002-05:00

There are less than two weeks left of school...then finals week (blah!). In order to get myself through it I have allowed "I Will Survive" to play in the back of my head throughout the day. Luckily, I got through my presentation last week without any noticeable mistakes. Unfortunately, there were so many questions to be answered throughout the presentation that I did not get to finish. Thus, I have round 2 to look forward to tomorrow afternoon. On the upside, I have two other people working with me to get through this paper so I hopefully I can count on them to help field the questions from the audience.

I cried in a professor's office yesterday. It wasn't a hearty cry. It was a I'm so frustrated that my eyes fill up with tears and they drop down my face while I'm talking/listening to you type of cry. That happened at about 11 am so they pretty much set the tone for the rest of my day at school. In total, my eyes leaked out my body's frustrations five times yesterday (all of which occurred at school). In my defense one of the five times, I sort of laugh-cried. I was talking to one of the few other girls in the department and we started laughing about the fact that I couldn't stop them from coming. We also talked about our professors' goal of breaking us graduate students down to nothing so that we lose all confidence just so hopefully years from now we will truly know what we know. I think they are doing a great job of reaching their goal.

Enough about that. My life has not been totally upsetting these past few weeks. For instance, I have had great pleasure observing a pair of my mathlete peers that recently started dating. The girl is 20 and the guy is roughly 26. I guess you could say that they make a good couple since they both apparently give the BIGGEST most obnoxious looking hickeys I have ever seen [on a person's neck]. Oh how I love being surrounded by socially awkward people that reach their hickey stage in their early to mid 20s.

I Wish I Had the Option of Conning Somebody into Calling Me Out of School...

2008-04-10T11:19:00.003-05:00

I have to give a presentation in my research group today. There are roughly 10-12 people in the group, 3 of which are professors. Our group is "studying" a newer area of mathematics called Tropical Geometry (as my Russian professor likes to say, it's "hot"). I use the term studying loosely as understanding anything that goes on in our meetings requires several years of prerequisite courses that neither I nor 4 of the other first year graduate students in there have been exposed to. I guess you could say the purpose of the group is to throw us unexposed people in with the experienced people so we can talk and get a feel for what is going on in mathematics today.

Either way, I am extremely nervous. I do not mind talking in front of people...as long as I know what it is I am talking about (makes sense, right?). As a group we are going through a paper titled "Automorphisms of Free Groups and Outer Space". If you can tell me what those words mean I would be grateful as I have no idea. Ok, correction: I know what the words mean but when putting them together I become lost.

The goal of my presentation is to get an idea of what a specific example of "outer space" looks like. Unfortunately this is not outer space in the sense of astronomy, but in topological space (again, somebody please tell me what that is because I am not entirely sure.)

I planned on putting the finishing touches on my presentation last night, but after taking a test, spending 10 hours at school and returning home to realize that I left my house key in my office, I knew that doing anything other than laying in the tub and putting songs onto my new Ipod (yay I got it finally!) would cause a mini-nervous breakdown. Instead, I decided to go to sleep at 8:30 last night, which I was able to do with ease and without taking any kind of sleeping medication. So, I woke up at 5:30 this morning and I have felt great all day....until about 15 minutes ago when I realized that I have less than 2 hours until my presentation.

Now I want to go home, crawl into bed and hide under the covers...Save me!

Half Empty or Half Full?

2008-04-07T19:55:00.003-05:00

Actually it looks to me like it's either 3/4 empty or 1/4 full. I'm swaying towards 1/4 full*. If you are wondering, the answer is: Yes this is the exact wine glass I was looking for this weekend. I spent a decent chunk of my weekend scouring the area for this beautiful, large wine glass and I was without luck. Last night I even went online and searched for places to order from. Unfortunately, and rightly so, not many places deliver cheap wine glasses. Where did I find it and its partner glass (that's right I bought two)? Kroger, the local grocery store! What are the odds that on the day they decided to have a produce sale (big enough to mention in my blog), I happen to venture off into the wine section where they have a gorgeous wine display with these glasses used as fillers? As a mathematician, I naturally calculated said odds and here are the results: pretty high. Seeing as the wine aisle is two aisles before the ice cream aisle, I walk past them every time I go to Kroger, which is at least twice a week (hey a girl has to have something regular in her life). Plus, the glasses have probably been there the entire time that I have been shopping there, and I have never noticed until now. Well back to my school work...

*It doesn't matter. What does is that the bottle is EMPTY! :(

Feeling Low?

2008-04-06T12:36:00.003-05:00

Then run from it while listening to Ingrid Michaelson's The Way I Am. Try not to belt it out. Just try. I heart her voice and I think you would too.

One of my guilty pleasures is listening to my Ipod. It's my escape from EVERYONE here. At least I try to make it my escape. My Ipod is several years old so the battery does not hold charge as long as I would like. Oftentimes when I am in my office I will just put the ear buds in even if the battery is dead to give the appearance that I do not want to be bothered. I figured it would be the nice of way of saying "Leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you or anyone else" without having to say it. However, seeing as nearly everyone here is socially awkward they don't read the sign so they just stand next to me until I acknowledge them. Sometimes I make it a game. How long will you stand next to me quietly waiting while I don't look up????

Anyway, I recently gave in and searched for a refurbished Ipod in my price range. Lucky me I found a good deal on an 8 GB Nano that should be delivered this week. The only pitfall is I could only find one in a gaudy sky blue tone. As long as I can actually tune people out with it instead of faking it, I'll be happy.

In other news, my wine obsession has been going strong. I actually do not have my own wine glasses, though. I have been using my roomies', which are plastic (thankfully so...she is clumsy when sober). If I am going to do this, I need the right equipment. What I really want is an unreasonably large wine glass of my own. My guests can use the plastic cups...unless any of you readers comes over to have a glass...in that case, maybe I should get two. I went on a mini hunt for my glass of choice yesterday, but came home with no such luck. Any suggestions?

Oh, Potential New Roommate stopped by Friday afternoon. She is a reporter for a local newspaper. She seemed like somebody I would get along really well with i.e. somebody that I would become friends with regardless of us living together. She seemed to really like the place, area, us, ...however she wants to think about the cost before she makes her decision. Keep your fingers crossed.

Que Shiraz Shiraz

2008-03-30T20:10:00.002-05:00

Update: I have a latest mini-obsession. I started buying wine last week and since then I have been drinking a class almost every night.

My parents have become winos over the past few years and after I turned 21 (actually probably before) I would on occasion drink a glass with them during dinner. I was itching for a light buzz a few nights ago and I was not looking forward to the bloaty aftermath of a cold beer so I bought a bottle of wine instead. After scouring the local package store (i.e. southern liquor store; you can use that one with your friends and boggle their minds; it sure as hell boggles mine), I finally found one of my mother's suggested bottles. It's called House Wine. It is a delicious red made from a mixture of grapes. Plus, the label looks like a child wrote the name and then drew a big house in the middle, which just made it that much better.

Now I am sipping on a Shiraz. I couldn't place the taste of a Shiraz when I was at the PACKAGE store so I bought a trial bottle. If you have a suggestion of a wine you like let me know. Oh, and please keep it in a poor student's price range.

In other news, one of the roomies' boyfriends stayed here over the weekend. It just so happens that her bed is directly above mine. Needless to say I am happy that he is leaving in a few minutes as I will not have to fall asleep to the squeak of her bed tonight. I have not talked to her that much while he has been here, but I am not sure how long I can hold in my burning question: What intense non-sex act (she is a virgin; correction, as of Friday that was her status, now I'm not so sure) were they performing to create that much squeak?

Lastly, in my news, Loverboy and I have made the decision to live with each other during my summer break. I am looking for full-time tutoring positions around his apartment. On top of that, I am trying to find a third roommate to fill in for me during the summer and stay after Cat-Obsessed Roommate moves out in August. Know anybody?* If you do, send them to my ad on Craigslist.com (i.e. my second current obsession).

*Perhaps if you got a hold of Georgia Niecy, she would accept the offer.

I Need Advice

2008-03-05T09:04:00.001-06:00

What is a good way to say, "Bitch, you drank the rest of my milk and now I am pissed at you?" without turning the situation into a big situation?

Bad News Puts Me in Bad Moods

2008-02-26T11:04:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I received my email of rejection from Ohio State University. While reading it, I felt like my lungs were collapsing and at one point. I thought I would have to call a paramedic to remove the enormous elephant sitting on my chest. Instead, I sucked back the puddles of tears that were forming, logged off my computer, left the building and walked to my car. While I driving home, I sat in silence, listing off all the consequences of that dreaded email. As I pulled into the driveway, my shower of tears began. Let's just say, there is no longer a drought in My Neck of the Woods, Georgia.

What could anybody say to me to make me feel better? It's not as if I am being left in a horrible situation. Nothing is changing. I just have to stay here longer. Big deal, right?

That's the point, though. Nothing is changing. My life is going to continue while the distance between me and everyone that I love stays the same. I hate distance. I hate waiting. And, even though I am not in a horrible situation, I hate it.

I told Loverboy last night that we were going to have to wait longer to move in together. All he could say was, "This sucks." I don't know what I wanted him to say, but hearing "This sucks" over and over again wasn't very reassuring. I can't help but think that it is my fault that we are not physically together. But then again, I did everything that I could to get myself there. What did he do?

I feel like him and I are in a little rut. My news definitely did not help dig us out. I am going to visit him in less than 2 weeks. We will be with each other for an entire 2 weeks. I am hoping we can get back to normal by the end of our visit. But then again, what is normal with us? We continuously compare our current relationship to our old relationship when we lived within 10 minutes of each other. We have to move on from that and come to terms with the fact that our relationship is long distance and it will be for longer than our old, close relationship.

On the bright side, at least I found out that I am not moving just in time to renew my lease. Plus, I decided that once the semester is over and I have time to breathe, I am going to adopt a pet. With Loverboy and everyone else so far away, I need something of my own to cuddle besides my pillows.

Remember When Playing Tag Kept You In Shape?

2008-02-04T13:48:00.001-06:00

In accordance with Pokey's game of tag, I have listed below five weird/random things about myself and five places I would like to see for the first time or just visit again.

Five Weird/Randoms About Me:

When I listen to certain songs on my Ipod, I imagine that I am in a movie and the song is playing in the background as if on the soundtrack.
Unless I am really focused I usually have at least three thoughts running through my head while the rest of my brain repeats lyrics to some random song.
Almost all of my moles are in pairs. I have two on the side of my belly button that make it look like a smiley face. [Sidenote: if Loverboy is upset I can usually get him to crack a smile by flashing him my smiling belly.]
I think the holiday Reese's [i.e. Easter Egg Reese's or Christmas Tree Reese's] are sooo much better than the normal peanut butter cups.
The smell of licorice gives me nausea.

Five Places I would like to visit:

My parents house
Loverboy's apartment
Both of my grandparents' houses
The Caribbean, but only if my sister goes with me so we can take on Tortuga again
Alaska, but not until I am a little older so I can really appreciate it.

I can't think of anybody that hasn't been tagged on this yet so Megaso and Grandma B tag you're it! Click on my Hits to Happiness/Comments section and leave yours there please.

In other news:

I took cousin Chris's advice and e-mailed Travelocity about my unsatisfaction. About an hour ago, I received an apologetic email from Travelociy, Passport to Fun and Shopping Essentials along with a refund of all of my money. Thanks Chris!

Travelocity Sounds Like a Happy Word, Right?

2008-01-31T08:27:00.000-06:00

I feel naive/silly/stupid/duped. Here's why:

I started booking semi-regular flights in August to visit Loverboy and my family. I like checking out different airlines at one time so I can compare/contrast so I have been using Travelocity.com. Well, if you have used the site recently you probably noticed that after paying for a flight, in the same window as your flight confirmation, there is a yellow box screaming for you to click on it that says "Click here to receive $20 back" (ok that's probably not verbatim, but that's what my memory remembers reading). Naturally, I clicked the box. After clicking, a new window popped up that asked me to verify my email address and the credit card info that I used to pay for my flight. I proceeded until a new window popped up with a list of businesses/services...that wanted me to check out their "great deals yada yada yada." I became disinterested at that point and closed all of the windows and walked away.

That happened sometime in September. A few days ago, while checking my bank statement I noticed a $14.95 charge at something called Passport to Fun. I thought, hmm that's odd, I have never heard of this place, it sounds kind of dirty, what could I have bought there? I decided to google the place to see if it would jog my memory and what did I find? Blogs like mine discussing the fraudulant "business" that sucked hundreds of dollars out of their bank accounts. Instantly, I called the number for Passport to Fun that was on my bank statement and cancelled my so called "membership" that I had unknowingly signed up for by clicking the yellow box. While on the phone I waited on hold for over 10 minutes to talk to a representative of the company, and naturally after those 10 minutes I still did not talk to a representative. I was naive again in thinking that I would be able to get through to somebody.

Later that day, I received an email from Membershipservices [of Passport to Fun] informing me that my "membership" was in fact cancelled. At the bottom it was written that if I had any questions or comments, I should feel free to respond to the email....and respond I did. I was livid! I'm still waiting to hear back...

It took the rest of the day for me to get over my anger. I finally came to terms with the fact that maybe it was my fault for not checking my statement earlier in October when the first charge came. I checked my bank account again yesterday morning to make sure my paycheck was received. What did I see?!?!? Another $14.95 charge from a place called Shopping Essentials! What the hell?!?! I called right away and it was the same automated message...to cancel your membership press 1...to speak to a representative press 2...I pressed 2. Somehow, I got through right away.

While on the phone I had Alex, the representative, explain to me how I "enrolled" into their program (through Travelocity she said); if her company was affiliated with Passport to Fun (yes, they are sister "companies"); how many other sister "companies" have my credit card info (none, she claimed); and if I could talk to her supervisor. When she asked what I wanted with her supervisor, I responded, "TO GET MY MONEY BACK!" She said, "Oh I can issue the refund." We'll see about that. She also said she can refund the money that Passport to Fun stole from me. I'd like to believe that. Only time will tell. I don't know how I could get a refund after cancelling my debit card and getting a new one.

I am shocked that a site as popular as Travelocity.com would have a link to a fraudulent site like that. I am also shocked/confused as to how my credit information was transferred to the other "companies". It makes me sick even thinking about it. If I don't get my refund then there's not much I can do except warn everyone I know by telling them my story. If you know anyone that uses Travelocity please pass this on*.

*And if youwork for one of the "companies" mentioned above, you're probably going to hell.

There is a (Hot) Guy Staring at Me at the Moment

2008-01-28T12:57:00.000-06:00

Loverboy (finally) got a web cam for Christmas. Thinking ahead, I made sure my laptop had one before buying it. These past few weeks have been exponentially better than all of last semester all because of our web cams. We have dates every once in a while in which we will both watch the same movie at the same time while our computers "sit" next to us. We started playing each other in checkers on yahoo.com. In one window he'll be trying to distract me while in the other I am getting kinged. Sometimes when I am really lonely, I'll put my computer in bed next to me so it's as if we are laying next to each other. Although it sounds sad, it makes me feel better after seeing his face.

Naturally, as with everything, hanging out via web cam has its pros and cons:

Pros* and Cons

Um, duh we get to see each other
No kissing
Shaving is not required of us
We don't get to touch each other
Bad breath? Not a problem.
He can still see my acne
He can see me smile
Our Internet connection has more control over our dates than we do
I can see him smile
NO KISSING
We are both smiling more
Kisses can't be transmitted via web cam
We are laughing more
The more I see him knowing that I can't kiss him, the more I yearn to kiss him
People we encounter on a daily basis are happier because our happiness makes us nicer

To sum up, his web cam is making the world a better place.

*I had issues with the coloring. I'm not really obsessed with Christmas. Although, I have been talking about it a lot lately...?

Hey Doc, Does This Look Normal to You?

2008-01-26T10:31:00.000-06:00

It's that time of year again. Time for a check-up, that is. I finally found a gynecologist that I like a couple of years ago, but unfortunately I cannot afford to fly her here to give me a physical. Before I make an appointment with a new doctor, I want to get some recommendations from my friends. I feel more comfortable going in knowing that the doctor does not come off as creepy.

A few nights ago I asked one of my roomies if she has a gynecologist in the area.

Her response: an appalled look on her face followed by a sharp, "Um, noooo."

My response: "Alright then, um thanks."

What I really wanted to say was, "Hellllllooo! You're 25 years old and you don't have a gynecologist?!?!? You need to get yourself checked out!!!"

It turns out that she has never been to a gyno. Why? Apparently it is because she has never had sex. The gyno is not a sex doctor! That is definitely not the only reason to have check-ups! I wanted to smack her in the face and shake her back into reality!

I have been going to the gyno regularly since I was 16. Not one of my appointments were for sexual reasons. If anything, I have gone just to get the added reassurance that my body is normal. I keep having this reoccurring thought that when she finally does have her first experience at the gyno, she's going to be traumatized.

Is anyone else bothered by this? Isn't it the rule of thumb for women to have regular check-ups after the age of 18 if not earlier? Could it be a religous thing?

Step 1

2008-01-25T12:32:00.000-06:00

to having a good day:

Get a 97/100 on your homework

Yay!

I'd like to Introduce you to My New Friend

2008-01-25T08:51:00.001-06:00

If you have spent more than say 5 hours with me, you might know that I am addicted to Red Bull. It's a habit I picked up while in undergrad. Several of my friends at the time were older than me and when we hung out at bars (ie restaurant bars that I could get into) while they drank beer and other fun drinks, I drank Red Bull on the rocks. At times I was so bad that I would drink up to 4 cans in one sitting. Now the company makes it much easier to become an addict with their 12 and 16 oz cans. I knew I had hit rock bottom when, as a graduation present, Loverboy's mother bought a 24-pack of Red Bull.

When I moved here, I had a fresh start. I slowly weened myself off RB by drinking something else caffeinated (ie Diet Coke). Having the word Diet in its name can be a little misleading. Just because it's a diet drink does not mean I should drink more of them, right? Tell my cravings that. I am now just as bad with the Diet Coke than I was with the RB. I never drank dark pop (yes, pop people, I'm from the Midwest, that's what it's called) before moving here, but now...I'm addicted.

I realized how bad I was after expressing my anger over my roomies taking the last of my cans. I am starting to think that it's not the drinks that I'm addicted to (although they are sooo tasty). I think it's the caffeine. If that's the case, I might as well drink coffee like most people. Today I made my first pot and it's actually pretty good*! This may the start of a new relationship. Coffee, I have to warn you, you have some pretty big shoes to fill.

*I apologize if my breath offends you. I have yet to figure out how to get the bad breath taste out of my mouth after a drink.

SERENITY NOW!

2008-01-23T08:31:00.001-06:00

My life has become pretty routine since I moved here. I wake up, shower, pack a lunch, get dressed then head out to school where I stay until my brain hurts. It's a pretty simple life in which I look forward to the little things.

It's 9:35 am and today's routine has already been tainted. To explain why, I must back up a little bit. As you probably know, my roommate has 2 cats. They are damn near the nastiest cats I have ever encountered and I am pretty sure they are the first of many that she will be spending the rest of her life with (that's a whole different story). They are the opposite of cuddly, they have coarse hair and they stink up the house with their stinky kitty poops. Just a warning, if the house doesn't smell like kitty poops then it probably smells like their nasty canned wet food because their mommy doesn't know how to properly dispose of the cans when she's done with them.

Anyway, during winter break I was away from the nasty cats and the stinky house for close to a month. It was glorious. When I returned home after the break, I went into my room to drop off my things and on my way I walked past MY bathroom and noticed the new addition...A KITTY LITTER BOX! I don't know what happened while I was away that facilitated the need for a second litter box in the house, but I was not the happiest when I saw it. I bit my tongue though. Who doesn't love to walk out of the shower onto bits of stray litter? It's a natural exfoliant, right?

Flash forward to this morning. After finally dragging myself out of bed, I grabbed my robe from the hook and groggily walked into the bathroom to tinkle and shower. As I reached the doorway BAM! the stink hit me in the face! I was awake! I looked down and to my surprise, one of the cats had left me a little fresh present on the bathmat. WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING A LITTER BOX IN THE ROOM IF IT IS NOT USED?!?! Although it was the gift that kept on giving, I was not happy.

I dealt with it though and continued to get ready for the rest of my day. After showering and eating breakfast, I started to pack my lunch. When my parents visited in September, they bought me this cute little lunchbox that has slots for ice packs. It's the perfect size to fit a sandwich, chips, a granola bar and my two Diet Cokes for the day. I made my sandwich, put the ice packs in the lunchbox then opened the fridge, reached into my Coke Zero with Cherry fridge pack only to find that it was empty! Not only did one of my roommates drink the last of my Diet Coke, she also felt the need to leave the empty box in the fridge as an extra slap in the face.

As I said, it's the little things in my life that I look forward to. I look forward to taking a shower in a kitty poop free environment. I like knowing that I don't have to pay double for a drink at the Coke machine.

Unfortunately, knowing me, I will not say anything to either of my roommates. I will not tell them how much they frustrate me. Instead, I will go to Kroger tonight and buy a 24-pack of Diet Coke that I will keep in my room and refrigerate as necessary.

Man are my Hands Cold!

2008-01-22T11:28:00.000-06:00

This morning while rushing out the door I realized that it was garbage day. With one roomie gone and the other still in bed, I realized that the only way the garbage/mountain of recycling would be collected was if I gathered everything and brought it out to the driveway. So, I loaded my backpack, purse, bag of extra books and lunchbox into my car (yes, I have to carry four bags around everyday. you may call me a bag lady if you must). Then I started my car to let it heat up. That's right folks, contrary to popular belief it gets chilly here. Then I ran back and forth from the house to the bins, from the house to the bins, from the house to the bins until I had all of the recyclables out of the house. Then I made three trips from the side of the house to the end of the driveway until everything was ready to be picked up.

What is the meaning of this you ask? Well, as I said it was chilly this morning and while I was wearing my cute, black and puffy winter jacket, my hands were cold. The entire time I was completing my chores I thought about this fabulous pair of knitted green fingerless gloves that I let slip away during the Christmas grab-bag game. I tried coaxing the winner of the gloves into trading with me after the game, but there was no convincing her.

Oh speaking of Christmas...did I mention that during our family party I found out that my aunt had been sending me the junk mail (that has been filling up my recycling bin) under the pseudonym Georgia Niecy? She just so happened to be the same aunt that knitted those gorgeous fingerless gloves. What a talented sneak.

I have to go get some lunch now. I have to end this early so I can put my winter jacket on. Luckily it has cozy pockets that I can use to warm my hands...because it's chilly.

*Is it apparent yet that I want some fingerless gloves a la Auntie D? Did I mention my birthday is a little over a month away? I know she knows my address. Correction: she knows Georgia Niecy's address.

Six Minutes and Counting

2008-01-21T08:54:00.000-06:00

I just arrived at school. Yes, it's MLK day and yes we do not have classes as school is technically closed for the day, but I am here. Was I here yesterday? Sure was. How about Saturday? Yep. I promised myself I would start working on homework at 10 am today. Just to push the limit, I am not going to start before.

Ok, ok I may have opened a book for a minute or two but then when I realized what I was doing I slammed it shut and threw it across the room. The latter part of that sentence is a complete lie, but that is my sick fantasy. Being the nerd that I am, though, I would never treat my books like that.

During the drive here I could not stop thinking about how wonderful Christmas was this year. Yes, it has almost been a month since the festivities but that just goes to show you how much fun I had. Nine Strapping Stallions, Eleven Chip-N-Dale Calendars, Five Barbie Dolls and Two DOOOOUUUUBBBBBBLLLLLLEEEE DDDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEEEES! I cannot wait to see what happens next year!

It's 10:01 people! I just broke my promise to myself. That can't be a good way to start the day.

Peace.

Pretend You Never Read This

2007-11-14T21:39:00.000-06:00

While I made my usual rounds the blog-o-sphere, I was unexpectedly tagged by my lovely cousin at OneMomTwoBabies. In order to be un-tagged, I have to share 8 (?!?!?) of my most embarrassing moments. Here it goes:

1. Everyone has heard the song "It's Your Thing" but only few, namely my sister, have heard my rendition. Until my mid-teen years, whenever I heard the song, I would sing along in my head, no big deal...until one day I was feeling extra frisky and belted out the words along with radio or at least what I thought the words were...imagine my wonderful singing voice, full of passion calling out "PICTURE FRAME, do what you want to do..." Um, if anybody has a time machine please let me borrow it so I can tell my young self that picture frames cannot in fact do what they want to do...anyway, my sister was right there and she has yet to let me live that one down. I am not thankful that the song has been used for so many commercials.

2. Sometime during my middle school years, a large group of my girlfriends and I went to the theater to see "Hope Floats". If you have yet to see it (um, get with it!) it's a gut wrenching tale staring Sandra Bullock and Harry Connick Jr. Somewhere around the saddest, quietest part of the movie, I accidentally tooted. Of course every one's heads turned to me, yet somehow I was able to play the noise off. I think I whispered something along the lines of, "What? Nooooo...um, it was my straw rubbing on the lid. Why are still looking at me? Watch the movie!"

3. The first time I met Loverboy's family the two of us stayed at his parents house for the weekend. We had been together for only around a month so I did not know ahead of time how close he is with his sisters. Yada, yada, yada I had a few drinks yada, yada, yada I end up in his bedroom crying on the bed while mumbling something about his sister hating me. Needless to say, he told her about my actions so she brought it up and rubbed it in for the rest of the weekend.

4. I peed in my (light pink stretch) pants once in the 4th grade.

5. During my last visit with Loverboy, he somehow caught sight of armpits and it just so happened that I had a couple of the LONGEST armpit hairs I have ever seen on a woman located at the highest point of my pit. Everything else was smooth...somehow I just missed those few hairs [for a few months].

6. I still sleep with my baby pillow. I believe my mom washed it once about 12 years ago.

7. Yesterday I wore a pair of underwear that is at least 6 years old.

8. Speaking of panties...in middle school I received a chain letter, I believe from the same cousin that tagged me, that asked that the recipient send a pair of panties to the person on the top of the mailing list (or something along those lines). Anyway, I mailed out a pair and then instead of mailing out the chain letter, I handed it out to a few of my girlfriends at school. It turned out that one of the girls lost hers in the hallway and it was eventually found by the vice principal. Both my name and my friend's were on the letter so we were called into the office by the vice principal. He ended up giving us this long lecture about the inappropriateness of the letter on school grounds...yada, yada, yada...but all I can remember was getting so embarrassed every time he said panties. Panties, panties, panties! That's the whole conversation in a nutshell. Ahhh I was mortified! But now, I think it was quite humorous.

The end. Bee, if you read this, then tag, you're it!

Update: I'm Still in a Relationship...Tell the Creeps to Leave me Alone

2007-11-13T16:39:00.000-06:00

Ok ok, so I didn't blog about my trip to Loverboy's, but guess what....I'm already going back on Monday so maybe by then I'll learn how to keep a promise and spill my guts about everything we did. The following are some random thoughts that come to my mind when I think about my visit a couple weeks ago: I shaved once before I left and once while I was there; his shower was clogged for the entire second day I was there*; I sat in on a math class at the university and out of 22 students there were only 2 girls (including me); his parents visited and took us out to an amazing dinner at an Italian style tapas restaurant; and...we cuddled. It was the perfect visit. Note: It would have been just perfect if it was not a visit, but since I was just visiting, it was in fact perfect (minus the slight b.o. I had acquired by the end of the second day oh and the fact that Auntie Flo decided to visit along with me...don't get me wrong, I love my aunts, but seriously, Aunt Flo, STOP VISITING ME WHEN I'M VISITING LOVERBOY!!)

I had my first non-missing-my-family/Loverboy/friends induced breakdown this weekend. It was, however, strongly alcohol induced. Some of the graduate students in the department planned a Happy Hour on Friday night for all of the graduate students and the department faculty. Well, only 10 or so of us showed up, 2 of which were professors. After sitting around a table drinking for an hour some of us got a little loose-lipped (at this point of the story, by us, I am referring to a professor). Out of pretty much nowhere (my opinion, maybe others saw where this was coming from), one of the students at the other end of the table yelled out to me, "Gyps, Dr. ____ (a professor, sitting right next to her, googling** at me) wants to know who in the department is attracted to you!"

Let me take a moment to explain how awkward this comment made me feel. First of all, everyone around the table put a hold to their conversation to hear what was being yelled across the table. In other words, everybody heard what she said. Second, Dr. ____ is that kind of old-guy creepy, you know, the kind of guy I would not feel all that comfortable being alone in a room with. Third, why the hell would he care who is attracted to me?!?!?! Naturally, I came up with a silly response to deflect the awkward attention...I yelled back, [my gay friend] Joe was the only guy that I knew that was clearly attracted to me. Giggles occurred all around, even from Joe and the awkwardness subsided.

As the evening progressed, the males [aka the majority] of the department stopped biting their tongues and started making [sexual-like] comments either to me or in reference about me. My favorite occurred after a male acquaintance struck up a conversation with me in front of two of the other males in the department. While I was talking to him, I heard this from the guys right next to me, "Oh man, we totally just got cock-blocked by him!" To those of you who do not know what the expression means, they meant that the guy was preventing them from making their moves on me that would [in their eyes] get me into bed with them. Insert a picture of me with a pissed off face here.

More and more comments like the above were thrown out by the end of the night and eventually some of the guys started putting their arms around me. I was not a fan of their behavior. I decided to do what any woman in my position would do, I went to the bathroom, peed, snuck over to our group to grab my coat and ran out of the bar avoiding all of the people shouting my name. In the process, I may have left my credit card behind with the bartender because my actions were unforeseen, I started a tab.

On my way home, I called my mom to tell her about my night and instead of explaining to her how upset I was, I decided to show her by getting nearly hysterical and bawling for almost a half hour. Just another wonderful weekend here. I feel so happy knowing that if things don't work out with Loverboy and me I could be harassed even more by the guys here. I hope the sarcasm was noted.

*I shaved before I got there so the tub was not clogged from me. He had taken a bath the day before to sweat out his cold and the tub wouldn't drain afterwards. It turned out he just had a little air bubble or something in his pipes and after I drained the dirty sink water from the dishes the bubble burst and the water drained. I was a hero.

**I'm not sure if googling can be used other than on a computer, but that was the word that I decided to use to describe the look on his face. It was a mixture of tipsy, creepy and interest. If you have a better word let me know.

Hip Hip Hooray!!

2007-11-13T10:15:00.000-06:00

Just another perk of having big hips...

IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!!

2007-10-22T21:47:00.000-05:00

Attention, attention everyone...I am going to visit Loverboy this Wednesday! The day has (almost) finally arrived! [As I typed that I couldn't help but sing Europe's 1986 hit "The Final Countdown" to myself. If you've never heard the song, shame on you. I was only a year old when it came out and I still know the song. I suggest either downloading it or watching the complete 3 seasons of the late, great Arrested Development because every time Job gets on stage to do one of his magic shows he plays the song in the background...plus it is the greatest show ever!] [I should say that after I typed that I considered making this whole post about how awesome Arrested Development is. You should see for yourself. When you have free time and want to laugh, go here...P.S. make sure you have lots of free time because you are not going to want to stop watching.]

I don't remember what I wanted to write about now. Ah yes, I'm going to see Loverboy Wednesday! Speaking of Loverboys, I've decided I need to get some friends with their own. Here's why:

Saturday night my roomies and I went out to Stone Mountain's to watch the laser show. It was a beautiful night and I loved the idea of sitting with the girls watching the Park's rendition of "music videos" cast onto the slab of a mountain by lasers. We had planned the night about a week prior to going and throughout the week I had made it very clear that I would love to go out as long as I wasn't out too late because I had a lot of work to do over the weekend. I even offered to drive myself. Nah, one said, it won't be necessary. It's not like we're going to do anything afterwards, the other claimed. Little did I know...they were planning on meeting boys there (dressed in kilts, might I add but that is a whole different story in itself). During the cute little show I did not mind that I was pretty much sitting alone, but afterwards, when we just had to go back to the guys' campground to flirt with the guys, I minded. After nearly 2 hours of sitting by my lonesome (the girls were trying to mack on the guys and vice versa) we finally left so we could get home by 1 am. Insert picture of me scowling here.

The moral of the story is, if they weren't trying to hooch themselves out, I probably would have had a better time and let's face it, when Gypsy Queen has a good time, everyone has a good time. Know what I'm saying?

Speaking of hoochies, in lieu of my impending visit with Loverboy, I dyed my hair yesterday. It's so dark that when I looked in the mirror I thought I was my sister, which was probably not the best thought to have while making kissy faces at myself. I've also been using this lotion daily for about a week and a half so I finally don't look nearly transparent. I've also been playing around with the idea of shaving Wednesday morning too. Loverboy's got such a wonderful girlfriend ;) I'll try to blog about my visit when I get back...or not because, let's face it, there is a good chance that it will be a little risque for my readers.

Hi My Name is Gypsy Queen and I'll be the one Standing in the Front of the Classroom...

2007-10-16T21:54:00.000-05:00

Every Thursday for (roughly) the past 8 weeks I have stood in front of two classes full of students answering their questions about what they "learned" in class and discussing plans of attack to come up with solutions to their homework problems. I am a graduate assistant to two professors at the university. I have (somehow) taken the time to learn the first names of (most*) of the students, but today I realized that some have not bothered learning mine. How did I figure this out, you ask? Here's your answer:

Ok so one train is leaving Chicago at 4:13 pm at a speed of 51 mph and the other is leaving from Dallas at 8:07 am...wait a minute, wrong audience....Here's the answer I meant to give:

Ok so, I was sitting at my desk tonight minding my own business writing up my homework for tomorrow and all of the sudden my phone rings. A phone number came up that I did not recognize, sticking to my To Do List I answered it. Within the first 12 seconds I knew it was somebody looking for a tutor so being the money whore that I am (just currently, not usually) I jumped up in excitement nodding and saying Uh-huh Uh-huh to everything she said so as not to lose her. After about 3 nods (that she obviously could not see) I recognized her voice and placed her as one of my students. She continued our pseudo-conversation (at this point I still had only said Uh-huh Uh-huh) by saying, "I have this test tomorrow at 10:10 am and I've been cramming all night. I have a few loose ends I want to tie up so can you meet at 7:30 tomorrow morning?" At this point I was positive that she was one of my students. Needless to say, I was stunned: one of my students called me (without knowing who I was) and offered to pay me to meet with her the morning of her test (at 7:30 am!?!?!). I did what any self-respecting person would do and said I had class at 8:00 am so I couldn't (I really do have class at 8 so I didn't have to lie, but I could have obviously given her numerous different reasons). Then she hung up on me.

Moral of the story: she should have come to my office hours for a FREE tutoring session with me.

*By most of my students I mean the ones that actually show up.

Running Backwards

2007-10-09T10:38:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a bad day. I knew it was going to be a bad day before I got out of bed. I woke up feeling the early symptoms of some lurking illness. It was too early for me to tell if I was getting a cold or the stomach flu. Yes, both have extremely different symptoms, but I really could not tell so I took a shot of orange juice then followed it with a dose of Pepto. As the day progressed I realized that it was in fact a cold. It's 80 degrees here!! How am I getting a cold? Then again, I seem to always get one in the summer so I can't be too shocked.

While I suffered through the day with my pre-cold, I took an in-class exam (aka my first "real" test in graduate school), taught a faux practice lesson in front of my peers, and paid my phone bill. I did not enjoy completing any of those tasks. As if I wasn't feeling low enough, one of my professors handed back a homework that we turned in last week. I did alright, but I was extremely pissed after comparing my grade with a peer that I helped out. His score was significantly better than mine, yet I helped him finish his the day it was turned in. It was due on Friday, but he thought it was due Monday so he came to school with slightly less than half of it complete. After I reminded him it was due that day, he freaked out so I offered to help with all of the problems he did not understand. Apparently, I communicate better orally than in writing.

When I finished at school I went to the store to stock up on different vitamins. As I walked in, it hit me that I was actually chasing the lows and running from the highs. My day wasn't so bad, I was just building it up to be that way. In some sick, twisted way I was making my day worse on purpose. As I walked through the aisles, I realized that it was not the first time that I've chased down the lows. I've done it before, but why? How could I think that I could make myself feel better by making myself feel bad? I hate to say this, but maybe it's a...female thing? My dad always calls it "feeling sorry for myself". He's right. That was what I was doing, but still, why does that make me feel [faux] good? After making myself feel low for most of the day, I decided to finally book my flight home for winter break.

My hypothesis: maybe I make myself feel low so that when I finally knock myself out of it, I feel much better about the things that I thought were crappy in my life prior. Example: I was holding off booking my flight home for winter break because I am having monetary issues. I was unnecessarily stressing myself out by avoiding the issue. After my bought of "Sorryness" yesterday, I finally came to terms with the fact that I needed help with my situation. This morning I woke up feeling boatloads better and as I got out of bed I knew that today was going to be a better day. So far, it has been better. I made a delicious turkey sandwich for lunch today and everyone knows [except for my roomies] how wonderful a delicious turkey sandwich can be. Oh, and I also picked up a student for tutoring. We are starting tomorrow, which means...I can pick up some groceries tomorrow! Yay, I don't have to eat spaghetti for the rest of the week!

A Little Anecdote that I Just Remembered

2007-10-02T20:36:00.000-05:00

The calculus students that I help have online homework called WebWork. Whenever they have trouble with a problem, they can email the professor and [unbeknownst to them] it's emailed to me too. Well, WebWork can be a little tricky sometimes and it does not accept answers that are not entered in perfectly. Usually the emails are: "Um, Dr. ____, I know the answer to this problem is ___, but WebWork is not accepting it. Will you still give me credit?" His response is usually, "Um no, ____ your answer was wrong. You were missing ___." Anyway, I usually don't read the emails, because [to be completely honest] I don't really care, but today there was a really short one so as I moved the arrow to the big red X to delete it, I read:

Um, Dr. ____ how do I insert a "pie" into WebWork?*

Baaaaaaaahahaha! [cricket, cricket, cricket] Ok, ok that's not funny to most of you [if any], but when I read it I pictured the girl on the computer screen handing her homework a pumpkin pie so as to coerce it into accepting her answer.

*Pi [not pie] is a number and it's usually not [if ever] preceded by "a".

Teeheehee. "A pie"...hilarious!!!

How Many More of These do I Have to Take You Ask...

2007-10-02T20:12:00.001-05:00

Test #1 down...I survived. It was a takehome test given to our class (ie 5 students) on Friday. It was not like the Yay Takehome Test Alright!! that we all loved in high school...wait did we get those in high school? I feel like I've been in school for so long that I cannot even correctly place when I did what. Anyway, it was a Son of a Bitch! No Books, No Notes, No Outside Sources Looong, Difficult Test. The rule was once we opened the [stapled closed] test, we could not open a book of any type, talk to anyone [or breathe] until we were done. I decided to take it in my office on Sunday morning [that was a lie. I decided to take it in the school library on Sunday morning, but apparently the school does not like students to study until 1 pm so I was forced to do it in my office]. When I finished I slid it under my professor's door and bolted out of the building.

We got our tests back today and I actually did better than I thought. After two days of picking out all of my mistakes in my head, I figured that I got somewhere around a 75. You can imagine my surprise when I saw the big, bold 77 on the top of the page!! To most, that would sound like a HORRIBLE score, but this is grad school bitches, my 77 was the second highest score [yes, out of 5 people, so what]! When I went to discuss the test with my professor, the best 4 [and a half, one was a contraction] words I've heard in months came out of his mouth, "You're really coming along." I needed that.

I have two more tests this week and then I am finally taking a break on Saturday. I finally caved and agreed to hang out with my fellow mathletes Saturday afternoon. I did not commit to staying for the night as I have yet to see what their idea of fun is. It's going to be tough for them to top my idea of a successful Saturday night...cleaning the house, calling Loverboy and passing out on the couch alone with an empty beer bottle [yes just one] on the coffee table in front of me.

I started running again last week. I'm [FINALLY] going to visit Loverboy in 22 days and I want to be physically fit just in case he happens to see my nakey. I'm slowly starting to realize that it's cheaper to produce my own energy through physical activity than buying Red Bull....slowly, I said. I found out today that one of the kids I've been tutoring transferred to another school and will not need me again until January. There goes my grocery money :( I wish that would have happened about 2 weeks ago. At that time I was getting emailed like crazy from students looking for tutors and silly me, I turned them down. I wonder if it would be weird for me to re-email them and ask if they are still looking. I'm going to do it if it is weird or not...I was just wondering, though.

Fun Fact [everybody take out a pen and paper and write this down]: A prime number greater than 1,000 digits long is called a TITANIC PRIME. To date there are approximately 5,000 certified [aka known] titanic primes.

Three Down....So Many More to Go

2007-09-15T22:08:00.001-05:00

Please Note: I tried crossing the following off my To Do list, but I was not allowed to use strike-through: Return phone calls, Answer phone calls, and Listen to messages. I have been doing very well at these tasks [compared to before when I put them on my list]. I deleted them instead. Three tasks down...hooray for me!!

Live, From GA it's Saturday Night!!!

2007-09-15T21:32:00.000-05:00

It's Saturday Night, yay....and I'm blogging. I went out last night so I'm not completely socially inept. Going out two nights in a row is so not me. I need the second night to reflect on the "fun" I had the night before. I know I'm young and I should enjoy going out, but I just feel very out of my element when I'm at loud bars with a bunch of people I still barely know.

Last night I went out with Roomie R. We met up with two of her [square] guy friends for a bit while we waited for my fabulous new [gay] best mathematician friend J and his boyfriend. After about 20 minutes at the bar Roomie R's friends ditched us to smoke some awesome stogies and reflect on the terrible time they had with two hot ladies [fyi, that's Roomie R and me]. GFJ (gay-friend J) and I had made plans earlier in the day to celebrate the fact that we finished our homework 15 minutes before class started yesterday. Plus, it was our best work yet and we were proud so we slammed our drinks (mine: a dark beer, his: something mixed with Malibu Rum) and cheered. It was great. I had a boat-load of fun with all of them, but we called it a night around midnight because I was up until about 3 the night before.

Why was up so late? Oh, you know, just getting my nightly exercise rolling around in bed. That's probably why I have such a nice figure. Note: by rolling, I literally mean rolling...no funny business whatsoever [unfortunately]. Speaking of funny business...Loverboy's friends are visiting him this weekend. I'm happy that he's getting some time with the guys, but I am also very jealous of all of them. I'm jealous that he gets to be with old friends and I'm jealous of them for getting to spend so much time with him.

I did my best to not, for lack of a better word, bother him yesterday. I called him once when I got out of class and then before I went out around 10 pm. When he answered, he was clearly at a bar, and all he said was, "Hey, can I call you back later?" I said sure and that was it. Throughout the day, I sent him maybe two text messages, which received no response. No biggie. Then right before I went to bed around 1 am, I sent him one that read, "That was a great talk we had today. Have a good weekend." Ok, ok I probably should have let it slide, but I had a couple drinks in me and I was hurt. I know he rarely gets to be with his friends, but to not call me or respond to me all day and night hurt. He always calls me to tell me he loves me and to say good night, why didn't he last night? It's no secret to his friends that we're in love and that I'm so far away. There was no reason he couldn't slip away for 2 minutes to call me. So yeah, I was pissed.

He called me twice this morning, but I missed both of the calls. When I called him later in the afternoon he apologized right away and all was fine. Then he told me about the parts of the night that he remembered...I thought about worrying for a brief moment and then I remembered that all I can do is trust him. I know how I am when I go out with my friends so I can only hope that he treats the women that come on to him the same way I treat the guys that come on to me...like a happily taken woman...and sometimes a bitch. FYI, if you're a strange guy, don't touch me!

One of Loverboy's friends, Stefan, and his girlfriend recently went on a break. When Loverboy told me earlier this week, he was so outraged by the idea of a break. He thought it was the silliest thing a couple could do and he compared it to a separation between a married couple. I, on the other hand, did not have as strong of feelings about the idea, until...last night when him and the guys went out, Stefan kissed some girl. So, is a break just another way of saying let's try out other people and see if we like it and if not let's get back together? If that is the case, then why doesn't Stefan suck it up, be a man and tell her that he wants to break up? Yeah, it was her idea to start the break, but if he was any kind of man at all he should have said, "No, let's just finish this and break up." Instead, he's probably going to wait until she finally says it. How silly is that? Answer: Very!

Finally, I (kinda) Know How to Add

2007-09-07T15:33:00.000-05:00

While talking to my mom the other day, I noticed she was trying to hint that her and my dad might not be home for Thanksgiving this year. Her hint: "...work won't be too busy in November...your dad has business trips that month...I'll probably go with...so we might not be home for Thanksgiving." She's very subtle. Of course she decided to tell me this after I told her that I have Wed-Fri of school that week so I could actually fly home Tuesday night. Bubble burster. Later that night, after telling Loverboy and my roomies about my disappointment, they all invited me to their families' Thanksgiving celebrations. My frown turned upside down...temporarily. It's a little Catch-22 (one of Loverboy's favorite books, I personally dislike it) situation: if I go to Loverboy's parents house, my mom might get a little jealous; if I celebrate with one of my roomies, the other might get jealous; if I stay home...alone, I will be sad. Then I thought, maybe we could have something at our house. Yeah, we should have something at our house...I wonder if there is turkey flavored tofu. That is my worst idea ever!!! Celebrating Thanksgiving with vegetarians?!?!?! What is wrong with me?!?!?! Luckily Thanksgiving is over 2 months away so I have time to let everyone (other than the lucky family that gets to sit across from me at the dinner table) down slowly.

Speaking of me having silly thoughts...Yesterday, during my second calculus recitation, I was working a problem out on the board when the following happened:

(a little backstory) I work out all of the students' homework problems before the recitations so I am "prepared" for their questions. I have access to the answers to each problem, but I have to work them out myself (which isn't bad because I've been doing this stuff for years). Now to the story...there was one problem on the homework that I worked out several different ways and kept getting the same answer that was different than the solution given to me. Of course, the students asked me to work that problem out for them. I decided to be honest with them and I said, I had worked it out several times and I kept getting the wrong answer so I offered to show them what I did and asked that they check my work. They agreed so I wrote it all out and explained my reasoning for each step and I came up the same answer: x+17.

I asked the students if they could find anything wrong with what I did, and nobody could. I then proceeded to stand there for nearly a minute to check again. Then, I looked down at the answer sheet, and read the "correct" answer aloud, "Apparently, the correct answer is 12+x+5. I don't know what I...oh, heh, I know what I did...(under my breath) got this far without learning how to add." Lesson of the day: 12+x+5=x+17!!!!

My Grandmother Walks with God...jealous?

2007-09-06T19:22:00.000-05:00

Loverboy left two days ago. It just hit me how sad that makes me. We had such a great time together that my joyous state lasted until just now...or I have been trying to keep myself as busy as possible so I could block all thoughts other than the task at hand.

Like I said, we had a great time. We went to a university football game (our first), walked around downtown, had library dates (we're sick, I know), kissed a bunch, held hands, slept in, and sat around together as if it was a normal occurrence. I am NOT enjoying this sitting around along thing. I need to carry a picture of him around with me so I can sit him next to me. I like glancing up everyone now and then and smiling at him.

His flight got in soooo much later than expected last Wednesday. We got home around 1:30 am. Of course, we could not fall asleep without some much needed kissing and cuddling so we didn't get to bed until extremely late [reminder: I like to go to bed around 10:30]. Kissing him felt so weird at first. It didn't feel normal until later in the afternoon of the next day. It was as if we had forgotten how. On top of forgetting what to do, I was nervous. I shouldn't have been, but I had put so much thought into what those kisses would be like and built it up so much in my head that there was no way I could meet my expectations. It turns out he was nervous too. How cute.

I am so proud of myself...I only teared up twice while he was here*. I cried the first night while we were in bed, but they were tears of joy. I looked up at him as he was holding me, right before we fell asleep, and I started crying because it felt so good to be with him again. I cried right before we left for the airport on Tuesday. I received a card from my grandmother that day and I saw it as we were walking out, and silly me, I decided to open it before we left. As I stood in the kitchen reading it aloud for Loverboy and Roomie R, I started sobbing like a basketcase. Honestly, who has cried from reading a card?!?!? This is what it said:

A Walk with God

I walked with God this morning,

at the dawn of a new day,

We walked and talked together

and laughed along the way.

I told Him all my hopes and dreams,

I knew He'd understand

and I felt my worries drift away

with my hand held in His hand.

He smiled and joyous sunshine

seemed to sparkle everywhere...

I walked with God this morning

through the miracle of prayer!

When you feel alone

with your burdens,

remember that God is with you

in every prayer.

I have received 22 years worth of Grandmother cards like the one above and not once did I shed a tear. I don't know of anybody else that has. The card was sent and received at the perfect moment. Usually we send and receive cards during holidays and birthdays so even though we spend time picking them out and thinking about the receiver, all meaning is lost after it's read. This card, however, was sent out of nowhere...it was special and it made me feel special. It wasn't a card sent out to the masses. It wasn't lost amongst all the other cards sent to me (as there were none). It sat all alone, waiting to tell me that somebody was thinking of me.

*And bawled only 3 times on my way home from the airport. I think that's pretty good.

Oh Weather, Once Again, You Got the Best of Me!!!

2007-08-29T17:16:00.001-05:00

What are the odds that Loverboy's flight gets cancelled? If you asked me yesterday I would have said there's no chance in hell. Ask me now....I'd say they're pretty good seeing that it happened. Fuck you god of thunder!!! I was very excited when I got a text message today while I was in the library that said "My flight was cancelled."

My response: "Don't mess with me."
His: "I'm serious."
Mine: "Seriously babe? If you're joking I'm going to be pissed!"
His: "I said I was serious. I'm standing in line to figure things out."
Mine: (thump, thump, thump)

My heart just started racing as fast as possible. I honestly thought I was going to start crying or screaming or something nonpublic-friendly. I waited for him to call me back, and when he did, he said in an easy-going tone, "I'm going to be a little late tonight, Honey. I'm flying from ____ airport instead so I won't be landing until 10:15."

I'm honestly not the least bit surprised that things turned out the way they did. What a kick in the pants though, huh? We have been waiting to see each other for over a month now, what's two more hours*?

Instead of leaving for the airport right now, like I had planned, I am sitting in my office computing the next prime number after 10^a where a=100, 200, 300, ...., 2000. It's an assignment that is supposed to get us acquainted to a mathematical software. It is really taking no skill on my part to type the command in. It is however, taking my time while it's computing the number. This is not fun.

*Answer: an eternity

Sugar and Molasses!!! Oh, Ruthie

2007-08-27T08:48:00.000-05:00

Isn't it weird how our memories work? Why is it that I can never remember the things I am supposed to when the time calls for it? Why is it that I recall the most random memories at the most random moments?

This weekend, I realized I had a little extra money than I had thought so I decided to go to Wal-mart and buy a vacuum I found on sale. Obviously, there were other factors that went into that decision: we have two cats and no vacuum, our carpets are dirty, we apparently have cockroaches living with us, Loverboy is coming to visit this week (YIPPEE!) and I don't want him to think I'm not domesticated enough, oh and we have two cats and no vacuum. When I walked into the store, I got this flashback of the times my family would go to Wal-mart when I was a kid. I kept replaying the handful of times we went to the same store and went to the same cashier. Her name was Ruthie and she was blonde and wore really thick glasses and whenever she messed up she would say "Sugar and molasses!" For awhile after our first encounter with her, my sister and I would repeat after her when we were joking around. I had to have been around 7 or 8 at the time so it's funny that I remember her.

Anyway, I bought a vacuum!!! It is technically my first appliance (I bought a toaster oven and when I found out my roomies already had one, I gave it to Loverboy to break in before we move in together). It's a bagless Bissell. I put it together as soon as I got home and went to work on my bedroom. The canister was full after just vacuuming my room!! I was disgusted with myself for not realizing I had been living amongst all that filth for the past few weeks. After I finished my room, I went to work on the rest of the downstairs, which is a combination of a living room and dining room and a small entrance way. Once again, I had filled the canister. It was amazing how much the vacuuming had transformed the downstairs. I'm thinking about doing it once more before Loverboy gets here on Wednesday. We'll see.

I have my first homework date tonight! It's with a guy named Joe. Don't worry, he's not attracted to females and I'm not attracted to anybody other than Loverboy (nor am I attracted to males that are not attracted to females). We have 3 classes together so he is my bffn (best friend for now; I learned that on the Sweet Sixteen movie on MTV) in the mathematics department.

For the second weekend in a row, one of my roomies got so trashed that she had to be taken care of. Last weekend it was Skinny P and this weekend it Southern R, the college football loving, boy crazy roomie. She went to one of her friends houses to hang out and eat pizza, but in a bout of feeling sorry for herself (she's not married yet and therefore cannot f*ck...her exact words when she drunk dialed me) she drank at least 2 bottles of wine by herself. Luckily, she got all the vomit out before she was dropped off at home. She was by far the funniest drunk person I have been around in a long time. One instance of her funny behavior: she wore a dress that night and, as I am assuming most southern girls do, she wore a slip skirt under the dress. As soon as she walked in the door, we took her soaked dress (soaked from falling in the yard) off of her and sat her down so we could put a shirt on her. She refused to let us put a shirt on and in defiance, she stood up then quickly fell over the arm of the couch, revealing the fact that she was not wearing undies under her slip. Skinny P and I could do nothing but laugh so hard that we cried. That was the first time I got a kick out of taking care a drunk friend.

As If The Open Cans of Cat Food Wasn't Enough...

2007-08-20T16:34:00.000-05:00

After a day of working on homework and attending classes, I came home to find my roomie P sitting on the couch, in her pajamas and reading a book. No big deal, right? Because of her choice of clothing, I am assuming she has not left the house yet. Again, no big deal, right? Then, WHY THE HELL HASN'T SHE PICKED UP ANY OF HER SHIT?!?!? I didn't mind taking the garbage can and recycling bins to the road last night. I didn't mind bringing them back up to the house when I got home today. I didn't really mind when there was still items that needed to be recycled sitting around the house this morning after I asked the two of them to bring them out. I was able to bring them out to the bins before the recycling was picked up.

I do mind, however, when P's to-go cup from last night's Sonic* visit is sitting next to the couch. Wanna know what is next to the cup? I'll tell you, an avocado! Why the hell is there an avocado in the living room? The kitchen is honestly 5 steps away. The table is even closer. Setting the avocado on the coffee table would be an improvement, but seriously, why is it on the floor?

I also mind when I go into the kitchen to make a piece of toast and get sidetracked by the GINORMOUS COCKROACH crawling on the counter. I'm really excited that she didn't seem phased by my screaming. Really excited. I don't mind picking up after something that we all contributed to, but I will be damned if I pick up after her.

Meat=Bad but Smoking=Good?

2007-08-20T10:52:00.000-05:00

For the past few days, I have been considering the oddities that are my roommates. Once again, they are vegetarians. The following observations are pretty much just based on one of the roomies, P:

If a person vows not to put the horribleness that is meat into her body, then how can she see it fit to smoke? I smoke (occasionally now, hooray!) as well so I can see some of the appeal, but I don't discuss meat as if it will give me some horrible disease.
Going along with that, how can a person that thinks meat is disgusting feed her cats half a can of wet food then leave the can and the rest of its contents on the counter with one of her spoons in it and not think anything of it? She eats of that spoon and yet it does not bother her that it was resting a pile of wet, meaty cat food for the better part of a weekend. Sidenote: I couldn't stand walking into the kitchen with the can there after about a day so I chucked it into the garbage. I apologize for not recycling the can.
How can a person that eats so little, make such a huge mess in the kitchen? Is it to prove that she does in fact eat at least once a day? Well, P, I got the message, you can start rinsing out your dishes and putting them into the dishwasher!

I do not know how to approach these issues with her (not the first, that just made me wonder, but the other two are issues). She has obviously had this behavior for quite sometime. I doubt she thought, hey there's a new girl moving in, what can I do to disgust her? I could throw up all of her bathroom after I get wasted off of two margaritas...oh wait, she did that too. In her defense, though, she had not eaten in about a year so her body couldn't handle all of the alcohol.

Oh yeah, I feel better now. Time for class.

Day One: Complete

2007-08-16T19:00:00.001-05:00

I had my first class today! After my class, I had to TEACH two sections of calculus recitation. Today was the only day I will have to teach this semester. For the rest of the semester, the recitation will just be an extra meeting time for the calculus students to get help, ask me questions, go over homework problems...I'm like their tutor, but as a class instead of one on one. I was lucky enough to meet with the classes before they had regular session with their professors so I had to teach/review precalculus with them. It went well. My nerves were acting up during the first class, but they calmed down for the second.

The first class had somewhere around 40 students. There was an abundance of jocks (my perception, they could just be regular guys, but they looked "jockish"). For some reason I have always let the jocks intimidate me. All through junior high and high school I let them make me feel inferior. I have no idea why. Then during undergrad I went to a small school and although there were jocks, they were not popular because all of our teams sucked. Now I'm back at a big school and our football team is apparently the best in the state. I could care less if we had a good team. I could care less if a person is on it, yet I still let them intimidate me. Maybe I have some repressed memories of jocks tormenting me when I was younger. Who knows? I just have to remind myself that when they are in the classroom with me, they are in my stadium. I am their coach...plus they're at least 4 years younger than me. When they're struggling with their homework, I'll be struggling with mine while legally drinking a glass of wine or a beer.

I finally have plans for this weekend! The math department is having a picnic tomorrow night so a handful of the grad students are going out for some [cheap] drinks beforehand and they asked me to go with. It's going to be a rocking good time. A bunch of mathematicians drinking together. Oh the hijinks we could get into. Please note the sarcastic tone in which I type this. I'll make sure to post examples of how awesome we are.

Tonight I am going out to a Mexican restaurant with one of my roomies and her friend. Hooray for steak tacos and cheap margaritas...and late classes that allow me to sleep of a potential hangover!!

I Wonder Where I Can Buy a Kite

2007-08-11T22:13:00.000-05:00

Why aren't playgrounds made for adults? I wish I could just run across the street and sit on a swing without it breaking. I would pump my legs just as my dad taught me when I was young and forget about everything while letting the wind hit my face and blow my hair back. Instead, we have theme parks made for us. Don't get me wrong, theme parks are great, but they have nothing on playgrounds. I don't want to pay $50+ to wait in a line for 2 hours for a 30 second thrill. All anticipation is lost while waiting in line. That should count for half the fun!

I can remember the way my heart pounded when I was a kid as I climbed up the stairs to go down the big slide. I remember the fear of knowing that nobody would be down there to catch me when I came down. I also remember knowing that I would be fine when I landed.

I have that same fear now. Nobody is standing at the end waiting to catch me. I do not know what will happened when I land. No adult does. Dammit! That is why we need playgrounds so we can release some of this fear.

I signed up for my first classes as a graduate student today. I have a full schedule as I suspected. I'm not nervous about the classes. I'm nervous about becoming an adult. I'm nervous about being alone. I'm nervous about losing the few strong relationships I have been lucky enough to make back home. ~~I wonder if it would have been better for me to move away as an undergrad~~. I am glad I didn't move away while I was an undergrad. If I had, then I would not be anywhere near where I am today (emotionally...not physically).

As if choosing which classes would consume my life for the next few months wasn't hard enough, the University had to make it even more strenuous. I signed online to click the courses I want and immediately I was kicked off. I was FLAGGED! Instant reaction: WHAAA??!!? WTF?!?!? Then I noticed the tiny red letter at the bottom of the screen that said "Click me if you want to get pissed" (not quite, but it's my story). I clicked on the red letters to find out that the Health Center did not have any of Chicken Pox records. Instant reaction: WHAAA??!!? WTF?!?!? I paid (maybe?) to have my old university fax my records over in June, why wasn't that on there? I know I had the pox, I might be able to find some scars if I looked hard enough. Maybe I have a picture? After desperately waiting on hold for 10 minutes just to get hung up on, I called back to talk to the head honcho of medical records at the Health Center. She finally took of the flag on my account and let me register, but as usual there is a catch...I have to submit to a blood test tomorrow so they can test it for the pox.

There you have it...I had to shed blood, sweat and [many] tears to get here so this better damn well be worth it!

Peace on Earth. <-------I'm trying to fit in with the tree-huggers here.

Back by Popular Demand

2007-08-10T17:04:00.000-05:00

Where do I begin...?

I took my preliminary exam today. A group of 5 graduate advisers will grade it over the weekend and on Monday they will be meeting with us 12 new graduate students to advise us on which classes we should enroll in. Earlier this week I feared that after they looked at my work they would tell me on Monday to go back to undergrad. My books/notes/completed homework from past math classes didn't arrive here until Tuesday and Sexy Lady didn't leave until Wednesday night so I didn't start studying* for the test until Thursday (yesterday) morning.

The test is over ha (insert a huge smile here), and I survived. Afterwards I went for a 15 minute jog to relieve some of the built up tension in my body. I could only go for 15 minutes for several reasons:

I'm in the South and it's hotter than Hades
My legs were still sore from the jog I took yesterday
Yesterday was the first time I jogged in about 2 months
My neighborhood is full of hills
I haven't cut back on smoking yet

I am trying to get back into shape, not so much for aesthetic reasons, but because I feel like a blob. Plus, my roommates are gone this weekend so there really could be no better time to start. If I didn't go for that jog today, I probably would have plopped on the couch, turned on the TV and cracked open a nice cold Miller Lite. Then, I would have gotten pissed because the TV shows I am used to watching at this time would not be on because of the time difference. Like how I made that 15 minute jog seem more beneficial than it was? I need to do that so I can talk myself into going more.

Since I don't really know anybody around here yet and my roommates are out of town, I don't have much to do this weekend. My only plans are to study (which is pretty broad because I don't know what classes I will be taking yet) and check out the university's workout facilities. I'm also trying to come up with a way to train my roommates' cats to not jump onto the bathroom sink while I'm brushing my teeth. Sidenote: If you are planning on coming here and using my bathroom, make sure you close the door hard enough until you hear a click. Otherwise one, maybe two, cats with push the door open while you're on the toilet and everyone else is in the other room. P.S. the door is more than an arm's length away from the toilet.

I had a mild case of homesickness on Tuesday. I thought I was over it until I woke up Wednesday morning with a crusty bloodshot eye. It had been bothering me all summer, but not that bad. Instead of going to a water park like we planned, Sexy Lady and I spent 2 hours at the Medical Center. I felt horrible. I should have had my eye looked at while I was at home, but I denied that there was a problem. After a summer of on and off redness in my left eye and 2 hours in the Medical Center, I found out I had a horrible case of pinkeye with a heap of allergies piled on top. That was two days ago and the white of my eye is back to the color it should be...white. All is well again.

*The proper term here would actually be cramming.

I'm Happy Being Stationary

2007-08-06T09:54:00.000-05:00

I made it! After spending the entire weekend driving, I'm finally here! The first day of driving was a piece of cake. Sexy Lady and I hopped in the car (wherever we could find room), popped in book on cd and didn't look back (not by choice on my part, my things were blocking my view out of the rear window). That night we stayed at a cousin's house in Kentucky. Sidenote: All of the highways there start with KY-... and they never failed to make me laugh. We woke up at 8 the next day, which would be 7 my "original" time, and were on the road by 9 am. That was yesterday. We drove through 3 states yesterday and they ALL SUCKED! The sucked for different reasons of course. Lessons I learned on the trip:

Yellow caution signs with "suggested" mileage around corners are beneficial suggestions, not just decoration
My car really does not have any pick-up, especially when holding my entire life (minus my books) in the back of it
I can handle (while not gracefully) driving in 5-lane highways for long periods of time
I get easily distracted while listening to a good book

My driving was perfectly executed during the trip...meaning, I didn't get into any accidents and didn't receive any tickets. Shortly after we arrived and unpacked my car, SL and I went to the local Big Lots, Dollar General and Target to pick up the odds and ends I needed to make my portion of the house livable. While pulling into the Target parking lot, I realized I had been using my spare key for the mini excursion and had in fact left my house key in my new bedroom. Rats! I called my new roomie and explained the situation. She was at a restaurant with her brother so she gave me directions so I could drive to her and get her key. After a little shopping spree at Target, we got in the dreaded car and headed toward the restaurant. It was pretty close. A nice, easy drive, yet somehow while rounding a corner, I managed to take out a curb! After driving for 2 days without any mishaps, I took out a freakin curb and scratched my rim! All I could do was laugh.

About 5 minutes after leaving the restaurant, I got a phone call from the same roomie. Through her giggles, she explained to me that she had accidentally given me all of her keys and therefore had no way of getting home. I went back to give them to her and on the way, slowed down while rounding all corners.

Thus far, this is all I know about my roomies:

They enjoy alcohol, but not to get wasted
They are BOTH VEGETARIANS!!!!
They have two cats, that are clearly not vegetarians because their wet food with chunks of animal gives the house a distinct smell
They are healthier than me
They are extremely nice and have offered to share their Netflix account with me

Know any good movies I should order?

Webster's Ain't Got Nothing On Me

2007-08-01T08:30:00.000-05:00

Today is my last day here at Joe Corporate. I've been uber-busy this week and I am sure it will sustain through the weekend....well if driving for 13 hours equals busy, then yes. I started my week with plans to say bye to different "groups" of friends (ie the Math people, the Model UN people, people I actually hang out with...) and now I've decided that it's not the best idea to continue with these scheduled good-byes because they are just not fun. How much fun could we possibly have hanging out if we know that it's just going to end in tears? Plus, I generally do not hang out with these people so I could spend my time doing other things like hanging out with my family or, I don't know, packing! I have been productive at work, though. If you check out Word Imperfect, you will see that I FINALLY FREAKIN WON YESTERDAY!!!! I decided to pretend to work on my final day so I'll have to catch up later.

Beerfest Weekend Recap

2007-07-30T13:23:00.000-05:00

Number of tokens it took to get a sample of beer: 1

Number of tokens the 5 of us went through: 90

Number of times I said "I can't believe Bell's Brewery isn't here. I LOVE Bell's Beer!": 3

Number of times anybody responded/acted like they cared that I love Bell's: 0

Number of "In Your Face!" pictures Loverboy snapped of me on the way to the Fest: 9

Number of pictures we took while at the Fest: 0 (because somebody was so happy with himself after taking the pictures in the car that he forgot the camera on the seat)

Number of bites I had to take of the jambalaya until I felt like my eardrums were burning: 1

Number of minutes I wanted to cry from the jambalaya induced pain: 30

Number of tears I shed throughout the entire weekend: approx 7 and they were all spread out

Amount of fun I had the entire weekend: Ooodles!

(P.S. I wish I was this creative, but I saw my first recap on Elena Joyce's blog)

WTF Blogspot?

2007-07-27T16:46:00.000-05:00

I realize that the post below is probably difficult to read due to the fact that there are not any spaces between the paragraphs. I put them in originally, but when it posted, they were gone. I edited the post 3 times to include them, and yet they are still not there. Oh spaces, why are you hiding? Come out, come out wherever you are!

Yet Another Lesson From Corporate

2007-07-27T16:13:00.000-05:00

The best sentence I heard all day:

"I'll see ya tonight, babe."

I'm as giddy as a 9 year old girl that received her first 'I like you do you like me?' note. I thought today would go by slow because I would want to get out of here so bad, but it really hasn't. Before my lunch break, the only thing I did was check and recheck an analysis that I had been working on and off on for about a month. When I was sure that everything on my end was correct, I brought it to a supervisor to re-recheck it with me because I was sick of the saleswoman hounding me. Tangent: I'm pretty sure if she had my cell phone number she would call me more than my mother does.

After my supervisor and I come to the conclusion that it was not my work that was wrong, it was in fact the files that the saleswoman had sent me that were incorrect. Together, we talked to her on speakerphone and explained what was wrong. After realizing that it wasn't a mistake on our end, she chose not to apologize, but to say, "Oh, well you learn something new everyday." That was the fourth time in about a week and a half that I have been harshly directly/indirectly accused of messing something up, when in fact it was the accuser that messed something up. None of them apologized. At this point I am apathetic to the whole process. If you want to send me a harsh email, then BRING IT ON! [some of you are probably thinking, "Well, Kirsten Dunst, it's already been BROUGHTEN!" and to you I say, touché.]

Next Wednesday is my last day here. I thought I would be sad, but I am ready to leave. These last two weeks of salesmen berating me have prepared me for my exit. On my last day, my supervisor wants to take our group out for drinks (starting at 2:30, sure!). Yesterday, I realized that attending this fiesta is my boss's order and therefore I should be on the clock while at the restaurant. If not, then I would say, F that Jazz I'll stay at my desk until 5:00 so I can get a full day's pay. I went back and forth with this with my sister until she backed me up, which is really what I needed. Today I was backed up even further by one of my other supervisors who had the following conversation with me:

Him [stopping by my desk at about 3:00]- Alright, I'm out of here for the weekend. Is there anything you need before I go?

Me [quickly minimizing the window to the blog that I was reading]- Yeah, the correct files for all the requests.

Him- I doubt anybody will get you those tonight. It's Friday, nobody works this late [Reminder: it's 3:00 pm!], you should just go home. Oh wait, you have to clock out, don't you?

Me [just remembering that I forgot to clock in after my lunch break]- Yes, us temps have to use the time clock.

Him [in all seriousness]- You live close, just go home and come back to clock out in a couple of hours.

I had not comment after that. Bottom line: I will be getting paid to have drinks on the company dollar next Wednesday. Hooray for me.

P.S. Did I mention I get to see Loverboy all weekend?!?

Some People will Never Change

2007-07-26T16:38:00.001-05:00

A few nights ago I hung out with a few old friends. We all met at the oil change I used to work at. They all still work there. While we sat around the patio table and sipped our [separately purchased] beers, we did what we have done for the past 4 years: talked about the oil change. I didn't mind, as if I ever did, because I have missed the place since I quit a couple of months ago. Earlier that day while I was at work [this had to have been after I did my blogging rounds] I sent a mass [if mass means three people] text message to invite them over. Only one of them was at work at the time. He felt the need to make it known to the other guys he was working with [my former co-workers] that I had invited him over. No biggie. I have never invited any of them over before so why would they care? They didn't, but my old boss did. He actually got miffed over the fact that I don't send him text messages. He didn't care that I didn't invite him over. He already had plans. Why the hell would I invite him over?!?!? We were always close while I worked there...as close as a married man and a girl nearly half his age can be without making things illegal.

Towards the end of my sentence at the oil change, him and I clearly drifted apart. He was hurt that I was leaving him, and I didn't show that I cared [probably because I didn't]. Around the same time, he started his obsession with text messages. Prior to that, I had sent him about a handful to let him know his lunch had arrived and I couldn't find him. That was about it. Somehow, from those, he thought sending messages with heavy sexual undertones to me was appropriate. He had the ability to turn anything into a sexual innuendo.

Example via a flashback:

Me [after a night of babysitting his sons]- "They [his kids] insisted on watching a movie in your bedroom. They wouldn't fall asleep unless I laid in bed with them." [mind you, they were around the ages of 6 and 7 at the time]

Him [to all of the guys at work the next day]- "Wa-hoooo! Gyps has been in my bed! How many of you can say that?!?"

Flash forward to today. In my nostalgic frame of mind, I decided I should visit him one last time before I leave. To stop him from pouting, I sent him a text message. From there, we had a text conversation that went like this:

Me- Would you rather...have me stop by the shop to chill OR stop by your house to chill?

Him- How bout the sybris [I believe he meant the Sybaris, which is advertised as the "Romantic Getaway" meaning it's a hotel that couples visit to bone in the same place that thousands of others have (ie in the hot tubs or private pools)]

Me [trying to shoot him down in the nicest way possible]- That is a bit out of my price range

Him- A gentleman always pays

Me [thinking, "If you're gentleman, then why are you suggesting we meet at a place with sex swings hanging in every room?"]- Ok see you at the shot at 7.

I'm still waiting for a response from him...

Life Lesson #239 and a Bit O' Good News!

2007-07-25T13:27:00.000-05:00

Life Lesson #239:

Always Always Always open the inside of a public bathroom door with a paper towel or something "protective" between your hand and the handle. Most women do not wash their hands after using the facilities. There are also women who wash their hands then sneeze in them, but since they just washed their hands they don't feel the need to do it again. I just witnessed this phenomenon. I was speechless.

Bit O' Good News:

During my lunch break I stopped at the bank and made my final car payment! I am now the [proud?] owner of a 2002 Hyundai Elantra! Yes, the check engine light is on, but it's MY check engine light now! Hooray! Unfortunately, balloons did not fall from the ceiling while I was standing at the counter. I really thought they would. Note to self: Next time I take out a loan for a car, do some research on banks prior to prioritize according to celebration tactics.

A Cloud of Privacy Has Just Rolled Over

2007-07-24T17:29:00.000-05:00

I decided that if I were a dinosaur, I would be a Pee-osaurus Rex. I feel as if I am constantly going to the ladies room while I am at work. It must be my body's way of saying, "Hey Gyps, you've been sitting on your behind, staring at the computer all day. Get up!" I just shifted in my seat as I typed that as if that was part of a decent daily physical regiment. I used to be very active. In the past I was always at my peak physical state during the summer. Now, I feel like a blob. I'm not saying that I am chubby or anything, but I feel like an unhealthy blob. I have actually lost weight, which, let me remind you, is only a number. I have actually lost muscle mass not blub. I'd take the higher number over this.

It's funny that I say that because after work I am having a few friends over to sit on my parents' patio and have some drinks. Along with my invites to them, I made sure to add BYOB fools...and BBFM (bring beer for me)! Well, I should have added that last part.

I caught myself zoning out while co-workers talked to me today. As I nodded my head and said "Ah-huh. Ah-huh. Ah-huh" to them, I was trying to recall the feelings I get when Loverboy kisses me. I do love to kiss him. Not the tonsil hockey, slobber type of kisses, but the I am happy to see you kiss on the slightly open mouth. He embraces me in a certain way whenever he gives me those kisses. I miss that. Lucky for me, I get to be with him all weekend! [Insert picture of me perking up in my chair and staring off into space as I think about the kisses I am going to get this weekend.]

Now all I can think about are very private thoughts involving him. I better stop Damning the Man! and punch out of here [I am at work right now] and enjoy my thoughts alone at home.

I Need Help!!

2007-07-24T13:45:00.000-05:00

I am having difficulty with blogrolling. I signed up on the Blogroll site and copied the html into the html link. Now what? I don't have easy access on my page to my favorites anymore!!!

Hey Jealousy

2007-07-23T22:27:00.000-05:00

There is something about the song "Bittersweet Symphony" by the Verve that always makes me feel like I am in a movie. I believe that the only time I hear it is when I am having an ah-ha! moment, which usually pertains to life, and usually occurs while I am driving. Life is a bittersweet symphony. Those are pretty much the only words in the song, yet the message is carried through the entire 3 minutes or so. Maybe it's the violins in the background. Whenever I hear the violins opening the song, I cannot help but smile and think that eh, life isn't as bad as I think it is.

Today when it came on, I was driving to my tutoring lesson and I was thinking about an email I received from my Ant D. It was in response to the time we had spent together on Saturday. It was such a beautifully written letter so full of the love and emotion that both of us have kept from each other and the rest of our extended family for years. In it she had highlighted certain anxieties that occur in her and other members of the family that I had never known about. I laughed (and teared up) while reading it because it reminded me of a conversation my sister and I had recently. My sister pointed out the fact that most of our female cousins close to us in age have children. Correction: They are all mothers to gorgeous children. Whenever we have family gatherings, my sister and I watch on as they watch over their children. We were jealous of them. They all have never ending bonds with these amazing kids and we don't. We don't have anybody to wake up to in the morning. We don't have little bodies running around pretending to make us breakfast out of whatever they can grab in the kitchen. We don't have the pleasure of listening to our daughter's excitement over going to school in the fall or talking to our son while he has a blue Kool-Aid mustache.

The whole time, we had been jealous of them, they were jealous of us. The cake topper is that we don't even know each other well enough to justify our jealousy! [Insert Ah-ha! moment here...Jealousy can never really be justified...unless you try reeeeeaaaallly hard]. The whole time we were jealous, we had added in the extra husband factor, which in my naive mind meant nothing but happiness. The bottom line is that, and I am only speaking for myself here, I have always pictured my cousins as embodying the ideals of the "other world" that I do not have. I was ignorant of the fact that their path can and has caused problems similar to mine.

As much as I bitch, kick, scream and fight my way through life, I would not trade mine or any aspect of it. Correction: I would trade Loverboy's desire to read the new Harry Potter book tonight instead of talking to me.

Found: A New High

2007-07-22T17:47:00.000-05:00

I started packing today. Well, it was not really packing it was pretty much getting rid of damn near everything in my closet and dresser drawers. I was amazed at how many unpractical items I have held unto for all of these years. When I was in high school, Sexy Lady and I would go to the thrift store every half-priced Monday and buy little boy t-shirts. At the time I thought we were cute, but thinking back, does any guy really want to date a girl that looks good in his old junior high t-shirts? College t-shirts/sweatshirts maybe, but a developing boys'? Probably not. My point is that the majority of my clothes are little boy t-shirts that I either cannot fit into or are worn out to the point that they are see-through. Because my mom was by my side and giving me the come on Gyps you're an adult now look, I decided to part with most of my tiny tee's. After the first large bag was filled, I was sad. After the second was filled, all I could do was shake my head and think, "Man, I am ridiculous." Along with my second (soon to be third) hand tees, I had to donate all of the dresses I wore to high school dances (let's face it, I cannot fit into anything near a size 2 anymore and spandex is not and never has been flattering...thank you to all of my friends that let my get away with wearing those), my skimpy little shorts that used to be too big on me but now could not fit past my knees, and all of my ripped jeans that were not purchased that way but literally worn to shreds.

I am glad that I went through all of that because I was nervous that I would not be able to fit everything into my car when I move. Now that I have this new, beautiful 17" HP notebook, I have to save as much room as possible. This baby is getting it's own seat in the car with a seat belt and all.

I cannot end this without writing about this wonderful high I am on right now. Friday night I went out with my amazing sister. It was the first time we really went out together. I could not have asked for a better time. Our unspoken goal for the night was to find her a man. There was a handful of guys that our beer goggles noticed and by the end of the night, without even breaking a sweat she had gotten us about 4 or 5 free drinks each. I had the best time watching her work her magic. The only time I can ever recall getting a free drink prior to Friday was on my 21st birthday when I went around to nearly every table at the bar and showed every guy my ID to illustrate that it was in fact my birthday and he was responsible for getting me drunk. That one Miller Lite I got that night was fabulous. As I laid in bed that night and watched the ceiling spin I became mildly sentimental. It dawned on me just how close my sister and I have become over the past couple of months and now I am about to throw all of that away when I move in a couple of weeks. I know we can still talk on the phone everyday (we get free Verizon to Verizon which kicks ass...side note: That night I also learned that one of the qualities she is looking for in a man is that he has a Verizon phone...I thought it was funny. I am pretty sure she is serious though), but it just won't be the same now that I know how fun she can be to hang out with.

Yesterday, my grandparents had a family party that you can read about in my cousin's blog OneMomTwoBabies . I think it was the most "successful" get together we have had in a long time. Instead of being a Crabby Patty, I decided to socialize with everybody as much as I possibly could. At one point, I snuck away from everybody and walked around every room of my grandparents' house and absorbed all of the memories that every room, picture, piece of furniture, doll and blanket brought. It took all of my strength to hold back tears. A large chunk of my childhood was spent at that house along with everybody that I had talked to outside plus the rest of the family that did not show up and all of their exes and step-daughters. It is a shame I don't let those memories play out more often. The climax of the day was when my grandmother brought out boxes for each of her kids that contained the pictures she had acquired over the years of them and their children. Everybody gathered in their respective family group and looked through the pictures together. I don't know if anybody else noticed the proud smile my grandmother had as she walked from group to group when somebody questioned a picture or said, "Look at what we found Grandma!" It has probably been so long since she has heard those words from my generation of grand kids (she now has a new generation of the most beautiful great-grand kids I have ever seen) that she just soaked in every moment.

While I was walking through her house yesterday, I wondered if she replays any of the same memories that I do whenever I am there. I wondered if she thought about the Easter that Great-grandma gave all of us little chalkboards with bitty pieces of chalk to write with. Does she think about putting little treats on the pillows of her guest bed like she did when my cousin Boo and I stayed there for a week? Does she remember the dinners she cooked for me and grandpa after she picked me up from my weekly counseling session? I do. I remember the stuffed pork chops and the salads with the avocado on them. I taste the mints. I feel the chalk on my hands. I smell the piles of moist leaves she let us jump into and I love it. Being with my family this entire weekend gave me the biggest high I have had in a long time.

In order maintain my high or at least remember a place I can go to get it back, I added a new item to my To Do List. If you are a member of my family (heh, and you know who you are now), please know that although it has never really been said, I love you. All of you have made such a huge impact on my life that I never really realized until just recently.

Timeline

2007-07-20T08:43:00.001-05:00

10 years ago--Age 12

I went through my first bad-ass stage. During a school field trip to a museum, I befriended a well-known bad-ass. We decided to ditch our group in an attempt to run away in the city. Our group mother eventually found us and scolded us as if we were her own kids. Needless to say, since then her daughter was not allowed to talk to me after that.
At my birthday party, an older cousin and I decided to try smoking a cigarette. We went through the ashtray in my mom's wood-trimmed minivan and picked out the longest butts to smoke. For years after that, her and I randomly stole cigarettes from our mothers, grandmother and my brother. The random habit has been with me ever since

8 years ago--Age 14

At an ultimate low, I decided to end it all by taking an obscene amount of generic Tylenol. Right after, I called a friend and asked her to take me to the hospital. They pumped my stomach, then for the next 5 days they treated me to the worst possible hospital stay a girl that age could have. They wanted to make sure I wouldn't want to come back. When I got home, I vowed that I would do it again when I was 16.
Along with that vow, I made another. I vowed to lose my virginity at 16. It sounded like a good idea to me.

7 years ago--Age 15

My parents decide to get me the hell out of Podunk, USA and get me into Growingtown. That was one of the best decisions they ever made for me.

6 years ago--Age 16

In a lapse of depression, I decide to stick with my vow and lose my virginity to a random guy I had met that night. We did it in a tent and the condom broke. Cue the psycho's first appearance. After that I decided I couldn't follow through with my other vow as I wasn't sure if I would be murdering a baby at the same time.
I started working at Mom & Pop's Shop, which served as a catalyst for my hatred of older men. It still boggles my mind when I think about the way they would talk to me. Maybe they didn't realize that calling a 16 year old stranger beautiful actually has the opposite affect than intended

4 year ago--Age 18

I graduated high school then went straight to college. I decided to continue living with my parents. I have yet to regret that decision. Right before school started, I put a down payment on my second car (1st not bought from my dad). I did not realize at the time that I should have done more research into my purchase. Instead, I thought it was by far the best investment I could ever make as the interior lights were pretty. I am making my final payment on it tomorrow.

2 years ago--Age 20

I noticed Loverboy for the 1st time. I let my inhibitions go and...smiled and said hi to him every third or fourth time I saw him.
I became a temporary morning person because I knew he started work at 9am on the third floor of my new found favorite building. For the next 6 months I studied at the desks on the third floor starting at 8:30 every morning.

1.5 years ago--Almost 21

Loverboy and I started dating. I get excited just thinking about those first few times together.

1 year ago--Age 21

For the first of many times, I fell head over heels for Loverboy. I realized that he was the one I had been waiting for. He actually makes me want to be a better person...was that a line from a movie because it really sounds like it?
Since I was getting to school so early to study (I continued on the third floor so I could be close to Loverboy in the morning), I started getting involved on campus. I was nominated as the president of a prestigious club (the Math Club of course) and was asked to co-teach a class my final year.

Last night--Age 22

After a 9 hour day at work, I tutored a student in calculus for 2 hours. I helped him understand the relationship between a function and its derivatives. In all seriousness, he became excited when it finally sank in. Afterwards, I went to my friend Sexy Lady's house. We had a few beers, then around 11pm her 13 year old brother sat with us and started studying algebra. He was accepted into the advanced program and he was trying to prepare himself. He asked me for help until around 1am. Although I usually try to go to bed at 11, I did not mind in the least bit. I was delighted to help. I taught him how to add a negative. It felt great.

Two weeks from tomorrow--Age 22 and not ready

I am running away from home the adult way. I am moving nearly 800 miles away from everything and everyone that I know. I pray that this does not start an adult version of the previous cycle.

Sleep Deprivation = Horny?

2007-07-18T16:38:00.000-05:00

The funniest thought I have had all day:

"My left foot has slept more this week than I have."

It was one of those it's funny because it's true type of thoughts. I have had serious sleep issues for the past few months. I think it goes in spurts. For awhile I was a successful sleeper...meaning I could lay down when I was tired and shortly thereafter I would fall asleep and not wake up until my alarm went off. Now, I become tired around 5 pm, but since I am far from the age of 79, I feel odd going to sleep that early. Instead, I just mope around for 5 or 6 hours until a "normal" sleep time rolls around. Usually by that time I have stored up large amounts of energy from my mopefest that I am wide awake and unable to fall asleep. I have heard that the more activities a person does in bed, the harder it becomes for that person to fall asleep. The rule of thumb is that the only activities that should be done in bed are sleeping and boning. Well, since boning is unfortunately out of the question, I had to add another activity to my "allowed in bed list"...watching TV. Well, in my head watching TV goes hand in hand with snacking. So really watching TV and snacking is just one activity....or so I thought. Either the rule of thumb is wrong, and you can't do more than one thing in bed OR I am wrong and watching TV and snacking are two different activities.

Solution: Loverboy moves closer to me (or in the same place as me) and we swap watching TV/snacking for boning. It's a win-win-win situation (laugh if you've seen that episode of The Office).

Are the 50s Making a Comeback???

2007-07-17T15:40:00.000-05:00

One of my duties here at Joe Corporate is to check my department's group email box. Yesterday, we received an email from a salesman that I have completed/sent numerous analyses to and at the end of each email I send him I put my name, The Gypsy Queen. It is an extremely female name as is the department supervisor's. Our department is known as Lisa's Group, named after our supervisor. Why, oh why, would the email sent to our group mailbox from the guy that has corresponded to both Lisa and The Gypsy Queen, start with:

Dear Sirs:

Blah blah blah. I am a chauvanist that thinks only males can work in logistics....???

I don't understand his thinking. Could somebody enlighten me? Did he not want me to complete his request this time? Have I failed him somehow in the past? Well Mr. Pig, I hate to break it to you, but I will be completing the analysis. Deal with it!!! Lisa suggested I sign the email

Love,
The Girls in Logistics

Her reasoning: I will only be here for 2 more weeks; it's not like she's going to fire me. I can do whatever I want. Then she went on a tangent about my ability to tell all of the people that this department despises off for her. What a wonderful boss...nay, a GREAT boss. After she spewed her evil ideas to me, I asked if I would be to come back during my winter break like she had requested. She said, "Oh of course! We would have to get you an alias, though."

So if you receive a nasty email from me in the next two weeks, I apologize in advance. My boss made me do it.

Unhappy Hostess

2007-07-17T08:53:00.000-05:00

One of my best friends, Beautiful Lady, snagged herself a man about a month ago. This is her first relationship in over 2 years so I was really happy for her...until I met him last night. He has a really rough past, that to me seems to still be the present. He was not the nice, clean cut, well-mannered guy you bring home to mommy. He was the pierced, long-haired guy you bring over to your friend's house. First impressions are huge with me as well as with most people so I would think that he would put his best foot forward and try to impress his girlfriend's best friend. This is how the night went:

My parents are out of town for a couple of days and as per usual I invited BL over to hang out. She asked if she could bring her man and a 12-pack. I planned on having a beer or two already so I agreed that it was fine. While she was busy picking her man up (that's right, he does not have a car) I was tutoring. On my home, she called to say it was taking her longer than she thought and she asked me to pick up some beer. I didn't mind picking it up at the time, but on my home I recalled the numerous nights in the past that she had been running late, sticking me with beer expenses for the night. In the meantime, my sister was at my house packing the last of her odds n ends into her car.

Although BL was running late, she still got to my house before me so as I pulled into my driveway I was welcomed by her and her man macking on my front porch. Upon first glance, I could not tell which of the figures was her as his hair was just as long if not longer than hers. When they pulled apart I had to look for the figure with the bigger chest. As I get out of my car, I have a few things from the grocery store (a 12-pack of beer and my two boxes of Cheez-Its that I bought buy one get one free). Neither of them offer to help me carry my items (Strike ONE). Right after opening our first beers (which neither of them offered to reimburse me for...I'll call that a foul) my sister walks out carrying the first of several heavy boxes to her car. Instead of offering, BL's man has to be persuaded to help her carry some of the boxes. He carried one (Strike TWO). While I helped my sister, BL and her man canoodled in the garage while drinking their free beers. After my sister left, we started to relax and I suggested ordering a pizza. BL's man then makes the comment that he is not really hungry and says he only has plastic anyway. BL says she'll be his sugar momma for the night, his response was to chuckle then stick his tongue down her throat in front of me...her statement becomes meaningless because we ended up cooking one of my parents' frozen pizzas and she did not pay for his portion of the beer. Unless they went somewhere after my house, her sugar momma statement was completely moot.

After BL's man and I finished the pizza (I had three slices, he ate the rest....not hungry my ass), he opened one of my boxes of Cheez-Its and munched on them while sipping his delicious beer (Strike THREE...he's outta there).

I wasn't planning on being a hostess last night. I didn't plan on providing food and drinks for everyone. If I was, then I would have purchased the lower end cheap beer and imitation snack crackers.

Bottom line: I am miffed that I bought their beer when I had my own at home. Together, they drank roughly 14 beers (they tapped into my dad's) and neither offered reimbursements. I've seen this type of behavior from her in the past so I was not too surprised from her. On the other hand, I would think she would want to prove her decency to her new man by offering to pay me back. The same goes for him. The only conclusion that I can come up with is that neither cares whether or not their partner thinks they are decent. That sucks.

BL if you are reading this, I accept payments by check or cash.

Hooray for Home!

2007-07-16T16:42:00.000-05:00

I am surprised that I am still functioning. I would like to thank the Red Bull I drank at 9:30 this morning and the Mountain Dew I am drinking right now for helping me get through this day. I visited Loverboy this weekend. It was our last planned visit. It was the first good-bye we have ever had say in which we could not add a "see you _____". There is a chance I could see him in a couple of weeks. It is the weekend before I move. He is going to his parents to attend the Summer Beerfest with them. I was invited, but I feel odd spending my last weekend in the Midwest somewhere other than my house. The problem is that I would be alone. My parents have plans to attend my mother's 30 year high school reunion and stay the night in her hometown. Would it be wrong of me to go to his parents? I think not only for the fact that I would be alone otherwise.

We had a much needed amazing weekend with each other. I enjoyed it so much that I did not let the fact that I had to sit in traffic for over 2 hours at the end of my ride home overshadow my happiness. I did, however, have a near panic attack at the end of the jam. It was past midnight and I had been practically parked between semi-trucks for 2 hours when I started to see the end of the blockage. As I looked forward and saw all of the other cars moving, I starting to feel nauseated. Then it was my turn to go. I felt my heart race even harder as I had to start hitting the gas. My body started to overheat so I turned up the AC and started taking long, controlled breaths. The feeling eventually passed, but now I am worried about the 12 hour drive to school in August. I don't know what made me feel that way. I have sat in traffic before and never have I felt that way. The only conclusion I can come up with is that I was literally homesick. Luckily, I am taking it easy this weekend and just going to my grandmother's. That will be a quick drive over the hills and through the woods. Piece of cake.

I Bet None of You Saw This Coming!!

2007-07-12T12:09:00.000-05:00

In response to:

*the lady that has already called me 4 times today to ask me about the analysis she needs asap
-CUT THE SHIT! I already told you that I cannot complete it until I get all of the data! Until it is completed, I will not be answering your phone calls! Thank you caller ID.

*my new shoes that are hurting every inch of my feet
-You're cute, but seriously why are you doing this to me? Do my feet stink that bad? I just washed them this morning! I am begging you to stop. If not, then I will have no other choice but to lock you up in my torture chamber (a.k.a. my shoe closet) to rot with the rest of the toe-pinchers.

*Loverboy
-My body decided to take matters into its own hands. In other words, I got my period and I guarantee I will have it for the entire weekend. Enjoy your BBQ!

*my period
-GO AWAY! I didn't invite you! Come back some other day!

*the lady that opened the door for me a few minutes ago
-Thank you!

Where's the Love?!?!

2007-07-12T08:56:00.001-05:00

After a long day at work and an even longer night performing manual labor (vacuuming, drinking a beer, touching up paint,...) at my sister's place, I finally had a chance to talk to Loverboy. I was nice enough to wait until Top Chef was over and yet he seemed upset. Maybe upset is not the right word...preoccupied maybe. The red flag shot up when I realized he was not in the least bit excited about the episode he had just watched. Usually aftwer we finish watching it, we have a little recap together and then predict who we think will be eliminated next week. We didn't do that last night. Instead, he listened to me go on and on about my sister's place and my newfound excitement for my own move. He was putting off this weird vibe that I needed to replace by gabbing incesintly. As I paused, I asked him about his day and if he wanted to talk about something. He said no so I went on. This is how the end of the conversation went:

Me: Oh, I'm so excited about this weekend! I just can't wait to see you and finally be alone with you!

Him (unphased by my excitement): I was invited to a BBQ at one of my professors' houses. It's at 3 on Sunday.

Me (caught off guard): Al-riiiight?

Him: I have to RSVP by tomorrow.

Me (still not sure how to respond): Ooookay?

Him: Well I don't know what to do.

Me: Baby, that's fine I'll just leave before 3.

Him: Well, ugh. I'm going to bed. Good night.

Me (thinking what the hell just happened?!?! I don't like this conversation one bit! No I love you? No I'm sorry for thinking that my time on Sunday would be better spent at a BBQ with the people I am going to be with everyday for the next 4 years of my life instead of cherishing my last hours with my girlfriend?): Night.

My initial thought after getting off the phone was, that little shit doesn't know I took off all day Friday so I can get there early and surprise him! Maybe I should just work all day in spite. Nah that would definitely punish me more than him. If he wants to go to this BBQ so bad then why doesn't he ask if his girlfriend that he nevers sees can come? What is so special about this BBQ anyway? Are the contestants from Top Chef doing the BBQing?!?!?

Doubt it.

Fun with Words

2007-07-11T17:11:00.000-05:00

Practice with my vocabulary words:

My CONTRITE attitude on Sunday proved to Loverboy that I felt I was to blame for ruining a few hours of his party.

After talking to Loverboy for an EPHEMERAL moment I realized that I really did not need to seek any forgiveness.

From that conversation I remembered why I considered him the PARAGON of boyfriends and then vowed to quit being a MERCURIAL woman by learning to relax.

2007-07-10T12:33:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I forgot this comparison as it is the BEST:

-my boobies are BIGGER than ever! Fuck yeah!
*Bonus-I can finally fill my bra with boob instead of air. Fuck yeah!
**Double Bonus-They look (and feel) fantastic. Double Fuck yeah!

2007-07-10T09:48:00.000-05:00

Is BIGGER always BETTER?

Whoever came up with the idea of comparisons was a genius. I imagine it was an aging white male with graying hair and rotting teeth. One day while sitting at his desk with his feet resting on his desk he looked over at the desk of his young handsome colleague and thought "I am better off than you." How did he conjure up such an idea? To make himself feel better, of course. His reasoning: the handsome young colleague had more stress to deal with as he had to balance all of the women coming after him. Meanwhile, the old man had little in comparison because he had no women coming after him. Lucky guy.

Thanks to the old man, I constantly find myself comparing my shitty situations to others' in an attempt to make myself feel better. It has worked very well for me in the past, but only as a temporary solution. After I get over the initial "Fuck yeah, I would totally rather have my life than hers," I realize that I just got joy over somebody's sorrows. What a buzz kill. Some people are shitty, though, and brought their situations on themselves. Keeping that in mind, comparing myself to them could serve as a long-term ego boost.

-the DB cheated on my sister and in doing so wasted 5 years of his life...I've never cheated therefore I have a BETTER chance of going to heaven than him. Fuck yeah!
*Bonus--he has to live with the guilt for the rest of his life; meaning he will likely have MORE stress wrinkles than I will. Fuck yeah!
**Downside--my sister's heart was broken in the process. Buzz kill.

-the one other female math major I went to school with is spending her summer break doing research...I have way MORE free time than she does. Fuck yeah!
*Downside--I am working 40 hours at a job that is doing nothing to prepare me for my future. Buzz kill.
**BIGGER Downside--Since I don't have anybody hounding me to study like she does, I haven't, which has made me LESS prepared than everyone else.

-Whenever I see Rockstar with his girlfriend, she is always either talking on her phone or texting somebody else...Loverboy and I rarely use our phones when we are around each other so our relationship is way STRONGER than theirs. Fuck yeah!
*Bonus-Loverboy and I save MORE minutes when we're together while she is throwing hers away. Fuck yeah!
*Downside-Rockstar and his girlfriend see each other often enough that they do not need to cherish every moment together like Loverboy and I do. Buzz kill.
**Double Downside-Loverboy and I tend to go over our minutes because the bulk of our relationship has been over the phone lately. Buzz kill.
***BIGGEST fucking Downside-I miss him. I lost my buzz completely.

My intention was to make myself feel better and in doing so I feel worse. Maybe comparing myself to others is never a good thing....or maybe I just over analyze my thoughts to make them all negative. Goal: Become MORE shallow and accept my initial thoughts.

What if I compare myself to...my past self. Ohhh, there's a thought.

-I am MORE independent. Fuck yeah!
*Bonus-I can sing Kelly Clarkson's 'Miss Independent' and truly mean it. Fuck yeah!

-My skin is CLEARER. Fuck yeah!
*Bonus-I no longer have to buy certain make-up products so I save MORE money. Fuck yeah!

-I have MORE free time to do whatever the hell I want. Fuck yeah!
*Bonus-I found other things to do to fill up my time than napping. Fuck yeah!
**Downside-I have more time to obsess about the things I hate in my life. Buzz kill.
**BIGGER Downside-MORE free time does not equal MORE energy. Buzz kill.

While typing that last buzz kill I couldn't help but think of the "wha want waaaa" soundbite played on game shows after somebody loses. Well I do not feel any BETTER about myself after writing this, but I do not feel any WORSE. I feel the same. *Bonus-I wasted a decent amount of time while at work, making it go by just a little bit FASTER.

2007-07-09T10:15:00.000-05:00

I did not get home until 11:30 last night. Mark another weekend at Loverboy's parents' off my list. I enjoy going there so much that I loathe even thinking about leaving. I am happy to be home, though. His parents had a super-party this weekend. A three day bash to celebrate his graduation from college, his sister #1's graduation from high school, sister #2's birthday and their 25th anniversary. It was insane to say the least. The house was packed to the brim. I was the luckiest because I got to sleep with 8 boys at one time. By lucky, I mean I got to sleep on a popped air mattress in the unfinished basement with my boyfriend and his 7 wasted friends. Implied in that sentence: I was serenaded with farts and snores from 7 guys.

I had a great time this weekend. I met Loverboy's extended family, found out that his sisters really do like me, rekindled friendships with his friends, received a 24-pack of Red Bull, acquired a following of 5 high school girls, and got an awesome tan. I could not have asked for more. However, I could have asked for less...psycho girlfriend made an appearance late Saturday night. Apparently, mind you this is complete hearsay from Loverboy, she got pissed after a drunken (and I mean drunken) tryst with Loverboy went awry. His story was backed up the next day when I found an empty condom wrapper (from the House of Blues... we've got nothing but class) in my purse. After the initial pissed off state of mind, Psycho switched gears to become the biggest Debbie Downer and decided to cuddle/bawl her eyes out/cause her boyfriend to cry/forget what the hell was going on with Loverboy in the back of his parents' Ford Escape. It turned out to be a great couple of hours. How do I know? I'll tell you...it got to the point that Loverboy thought it would be a good idea to wake his parents up and ask if I could sleep with them. I still don't understand why he thought that was a good idea. The result was me and his mom sitting on a love seat in their room talking about how much I love Loverboy while him and his dad stood behind us rubbing our shoulders. I eventually calmed down so he put me to sleep in the dungeon. The next morning I woke up with a terrible headache, not from drinking for the past two days straight, but from crying so hard the night before. In addition to the headache, I developed a fear of running into his parents after I recalled waking them up the night before. I had not idea what their reaction to me would be and for most of the day, I did not want to know.

After spending most of the day floating on the lake with Loverboy and my entourage of high school girls, it was time to go. Loverboy passed out while I finished packing my things. While walking to my car with my things, his mom lurked around the corner and caught me alone. She gently asked me how I was feeling. I told her I was embarrassed and she cut me off, walked across the room to me and gave me a bear hug. She told me I could talk to/call/cry to her anytime.

It felt good.

Pulling out the Big Guns

2007-07-06T11:53:00.000-05:00

After one and a half days of doing nothing but searching the internet for obscure entertainment instead of working, I have decided to sneak out early today. Nobody is here and there is nothing for me to pretend to do! I decided to leave for my lunch break and then not come back. If my boss was here I would ask her and she would agree without even thinking about it. There is only one other guy in my aisle today. He's too busy with his tobacco to bother looking over here. Whenever I think about my loneliness at work, I am reminded of an episode of Friends in which Jason Alexander made an appearance. Phoebe was working as a phone salesman and she happened to call him while he was at work in an office. I believe he was the office supply manager. Regardless, the point is that his job was so meaningless to everyone else there that nobody noticed him and his suicidal outbursts. I'm not saying I have the same outbursts...if anything mine are giggle-filled. I just have this nagging feeling that nobody would notice if I left.

I tried testing my theory a few weeks ago. My contacts were bothering me to the max and since I only live a couple miles down the road, I drove home and switched my contacts for glasses. I was gone for nearly half an hour. I came back wearing glasses and nobody noticed. They were flashy glasses, too, with little fake diamonds on the sides. Nobody said a thing.

Today is the ultimate test. I already packed up my stuff and as soon as I close this window, I will be heading for the door.

As the Suits go on, all Common Courtesy is Lost

2007-07-06T09:13:00.001-05:00

Does anybody work the week of the 4th? The only day this week that I came in contact with another employee here was Monday. Monday was one of the busiest days I've had around here in weeks. Then BOOM nothing! I am working a temporary job for Joe Corporate. I have been lucky enough to extend my stay here from the original two weeks to nearly 3 months. In the beginning it seemed as if I was this huge asset that they were glad to have around. I still get the glad you're here vibe, but that's only because I've been trying hard to keep this I'm really helping you guys out charade going. I swear, I work harder trying to convince them that I'm worth keeping on the clock for another few weeks than I do actually working. The problem is that there is not much for me to do. I am caught up. One of my duties is to document all of the group emails as they come in. Usually we get at least one email every 15 minutes or so. In the past 2 days I've been able to document 3. We received a couple others, but only because I initiated them by asking questions and instead of getting the responses that I hoped for, I received undocument-worthy responses.

I spent the majority of the day yesterday reading the archives of ElenaJoyce's blog at I'mSureIt'sFine. Some of her posts are so ridiculous that I catch myself doing one of those back of the throat laughs that sound like a bull frog or a cow starting to moo and then abruptly stopping. I constantly looked around to make sure nobody in the cubes around me was giving me the stink eye. Then again, why would they? They have much more distracting/annoying behaviors than I ever could. List of instances:

-as I typed that last sentence the cell phone of a guy 2 rows away rang. Not that big a deal usually but it gets pretty annoying when the ringer is set to Cingular's version of Salsa music at the highest volume possible.

-at the same time, the guy across from me felt the need to chomp away on what sounded like rock candy for a good half hour. This, of course, is a step up from the usual hunk of tobacco he keeps in his mouth. It's bad enough that he feels the need to dip for the majority of the workday, but to talk while it's in his mouth while either on the phone or to me in person is just disgusting. Did I mention the constant noise of his spit can as he sets it back on the desk? I could do without it.

-yesterday the guy kiddie corner from me spent nearly 10 minutes YELLING on the phone about somebody that just got arrested. I stopped flinching after I heard him yell "fuck" for the third time. When he's not pissed at delinquents, he's pissed at Walgreen's. I'm not sure how our company is related to Walgreen's in any way. Maybe he's been waiting for his prescription for the past month.

I work in the logistics department of a major publishing firm! I thought I left the disgusting coworkers behind at my old job at the Mom & Pop Car Repair Shop. At the time I thought my coworkers were extremely inappropriate for talking about their latest sexcapades and drinking binges. I would take that back any day! At least I could continue to do my work while listening to them go on about the Dirty Sanchez and Rusty Trombones. That never seemed to phase me, however, a guy munching on rocks can somehow rile me up to the point of wanting to scream. I'm starting to think I'm a little high strung or I am just pissed that everyone but me knew that it was jeans day today and they are all giving me looks because I am wearing a dress.

Update: while finishing that up, another guy's cell phone rang and somebody walked into my cube and took my other chair without asking. Fuckers.

Maybe a Little Distance Isn't So Bad

2007-07-05T14:38:00.000-05:00

My sister and her boyfriend of nearly 5 years broke up a little over a month ago. The douche cheated on her and then decided to not confess until 4 months later. If she had not found out from somebody else prior, I am sure he would still be holding it a secret. The other day, after watching a sappy episode of Dr. Phil, she ventured onto match.com. As soon as she finished desperately creating a profile for herself, she did a search for a mate in the area. The results popped up and instantly she saw a picture of her douchebag ex with a title above it implying that everyone deserves a second chance. Good conversation starter db! I am sure that will open the door to an long-lasting relationship.

After living with him for nearly a year, my sister was devasted. That day she moved back in with my parents and me. Next week she will be moving into a home of her own. She is buying her first house. Her feelings toward the place change daily. On one hand she is proud of herself for being able to buy her own place and on the other she is super pissed that she was forced into buying a place of her own. Trying to be a supportive sister, I emailed her today to see if she was going to her house tonight to work on repairs. In the email I also mentioned that I will be stopping at the store to pick up my two least favorite items...razors and tampons...and inquired if she needed anything while I'm there. Her response: a blow up doll.

Now, I am not an expert on these things, but it is my understanding that blow up dolls are primarily female. What could she possibly do with a female blow up doll? Why not ask for a fake fallice of some sort or vibrating device? A blow up doll, hmm. The only logical conclusion that I can come up with is that the db messed with her so much that she is venturing out into the world of homosexuality. For that, I applaude her. I could use another girl in the family to borrow clothes from.

If You're Psycho and You Know it Clap Your Hands

2007-07-05T08:49:00.000-05:00

I determined to stop being a psycho girlfriend yesterday. It’s become another item to add to my ‘To Do’ list. My boyfriend and I have both been aware of my crazy tendencies for awhile now. I know when I am being one and I hate every second of it, yet I never try stopping myself before it’s too late. I wasn’t always like this with him. I used to make him laugh all the time. Yesterday I made him cry.

Our situation became even more complicated two months ago when we started a long distance relationship. After we graduated in May, he moved back with his parents while I stayed with mine. When we wanted to see each other, one of us had to drive almost 5 hours. Then, a few weeks ago he moved into his own apartment, which is even further away, and started graduate school. We have been lucky enough to see each other almost every weekend for the past two months. In exactly a month from now, I will be leaving for graduate school as well. Because I am a jackass, I choose a school on the East coast, causing me to leave the Midwest and everything I have ever known.

Almost as soon as I learned of my acceptance to Far Off University (FOU), Loverboy and I made plans for me to apply for a transfer to Big 10 University (BTU). In order to do so, I need to raise my scores on the GREs, both general and subject, and write an amazing personal statement. For awhile, I was studying my buns off. Recently, the studying has started to subside. During our phone conversations, he constantly brings up how everything is going to be wonderful once I get accepted to BTU and we can finally move in together. In my head that means…our relationship is riding on me. I need to do well on these tests and write that amazing personal statement, not only to get into BTU, but to keep our relationship together. What would happen if I don’t get accepted?

I can’t even remember how I made him cry yesterday. We were on the phone and of course I started tearing up because that’s just what I seem to do all the time. Somewhere in there, I mentioned something about missing ‘the feeling’. I mixed my thoughts up completely and said something along the lines of, “sometimes I don’t even feel like your girlfriend.” Big mistake. Eventually I got my point across that I miss watching him look at me like I am some sort of goddess from another world…the look that only a lover can give that makes a woman feel special. I miss that feeling. I want it back. I told him that we need to find a way to give each other those feelings without seeing each other. Of course I did not say any of that as clear as I just did so he took what I was saying as he’s a bad boyfriend and he does not try hard enough. How can I convince him that he is? He is a wonderful boyfriend that shows me nothing but love. It’s both of us that need to work on getting the feeling back.

Bottom line: I made Loverboy cry. I am a psycho girlfriend that needs to be stopped.

Oh, What a Smile Can Do

2007-07-03T13:12:00.000-05:00

I smiled while I was alone the other day. I was in the middle of my 5 hour drive home from my boyfriend’s parents’ house, and I smiled. It felt like it came out of nowhere, which made it feel even better. It served as a catalyst for recalling all of the good things going on in my life. For once, I was not focusing on my stifling car, hunger pangs or the traffic slowing me down. All too often, I catch myself focusing so much on the negatives of life that I overshadow all of the positives.

I have a family. Any adjective I put in front of family would probably change in the next week, day or hour. Sometimes we are close in all aspects of the word and other times we are close physically but not mentally or emotionally. For the most part we are supportive of each other. Needless to say, there are times we disagree with others’ choices and do not hold back from saying it. We argue, scream, fight, kick and yell at each other, but in the end, we know we are a family. I love them. They might not know it because I have a hell of a time showing it, but I do.

I have a loving boyfriend. I can say loving here because from day one his love for me has been so strong that I can almost feel it. He is my lover and my best friend. I want to talk to him before I get out of bed in the morning and while my eyes are closed at night. For some reason, though, I cannot seem to accept that. I find myself constantly challenging his love and questioning where it is coming from. I fear that he is the only person I want to talk to before I get out of bed in the morning and while my eyes are closed at night and… everything in between.

I have a sturdy foundation. I received my Bachelor’s degree a couple months ago. Next month I will start working on my PhD. I have morals and values. I can tell right from wrong. I know how to prioritize. I know how to communicate well via many different channels.

Early this morning I put together a ‘To Do’ list. For about 30 seconds I jotted down issues that I KNOW I need to work out. My list catalogs some of the things preventing me from embracing happiness. I am determined to cross them off as I get closer to my goal. In the meantime, I will continue chasing the highs of life and running from the lows.